Day 2: Hysteria Sets In

Dear Internet,

Well, we safely made it to Krakow. After about fifteen hours of flying and seven hours of train travel, MoneSplye have settled in their hostel. The plane was chillin, I met this kid who went to ASU and we shot the shit for an hour or so before I fell asleep. He seemed generally uninterested in life and was spectacularly unfunny. Anyway, I landed in Prague and met Splye and we went to the train station without a hassle. The Prague train station defines miserable, to say the least. We had to spend four hours there, but it seemed like twenty. We spent most of the time sitting in this dilapidated park behind the train station next to a sleeping homeless dude and what I thought was a hooker. I'm not sure why I thought that, but I got that vibe that she was into getting paid for having sex. When we got on the train, we had our first cultural mishap! MoneSplye were lampcity in our cabin on our train, and Splye was reclined with his feet up. Suddenly, some little gremlin train conductor ran in the cabin and started yelling at Splye in czech. Obviously neither of us had any idea what the fuck she was talking about, until the woman in our cabin pointed at splye's reeboks and garbled the word, "feet." I guess you aren't supposed to put your feet on the opposite chair--but fuck that we is America, we get our double cheeseburgers for $1, we put our feet wherever we want. At this point MoneSplye decided that we loved America more than anywhere else because you can put your feet wherever you want, and gremlins don't exist because of the surplus water supply. So after 7 hours we got to Krakow--our hostel is Tiny House small, far from everything, but there's a liquor store adjacent. We're gonna try to get a new spot before we get sucked into the sinkhole that is probably going to force this building to crumble at any moment. We met our roommate, another kid who's doing the program with us, named Sanjay. We hit the bars with him and he was being the man. For some reason Splye thinks I'm gonna throw down with him at some point in Krakow, but I doubt it.

I've heard they love Americans here, but so far it seems the opposite. People look at us with a weird curiosity, and it kind of bugs me out. People also think they have the right to fuck with us, or so it seems. For instance, we don't speak Polish so we could barely order drinks last night, and at one bar we tried to get two beers. This bartender who looked like a coked out Chris Martin gave us two shots of beer, thinking he was hilarious. MoneSplye got pissed and tried to start a riot before Sanjay calmed us down. Somehow, in the confusion, Splye left the guy a big tip. We hit some spooky bars where they played a techno remix of Sinnerman by Nina Simone, which was tight. We walked around Krakow today, nothing that funny happened. Our program director told us about this dragon that used to live in Krakow, and she seemed thoroughly serious and truthful. I was skeptical. Also, we met this guy in our program who I believe is a pederast, but time will certainly tell.

We are probably going out tonight, but we are posted up so hard right now that it is hard to tell what's going to happen. I'm bout to pass Splye the mic, so listen up.

The Great Monesby