The First Weekend Begins...

Right now I'm lying in my bed at the hostel drinking a Mirinda (orange soda) and vodka out of a glass coffee cup. We just finished dinner at this weird polish place and now we are just challen before we hit the town. MoneSplye has been in Krakow for about a week, and it has been BALLIN to say the least. The bars here are very ridiculous, it's like there's a different one every where you look. A lot of the bars are underground, so there are these weird cavernous passageways and all the rooms are candle lit. Every bar tries to put a different spin on being underground, whether it's with the music or funky decor. Anyway, what we been doing for the last few days:

On thursday we ended up going back to our youth center at night and handing out food to a bunch of poor people. We gave out a lot of jelly, I don't really know why. After that, as Splye noted in the previous post, we went to go stay with these girls who we work with, one from Finland and one from Latvia. So it was MoneSplye and Sanjay heading to these girls apartment after work. We met their roommates, Polish hicks who were studying in the city "at university." We spent the majority of our time sitting around this rickety table teaching them English slang. Their favorite words were "chilling" "tight" and "sick." They ate that shit up, laughing like Sean Penn in "I Am Sam." Then the night got weird.... So we end up going to this bar with these girls, and it seemed a little weird. The entire time one of the girls kept saying that Spencer was "serious" and "scary." I've never heard someone describe SP as scary, I think they might have just not known what that meant. Anyway, we get dragged to the dance floor to dance to terrible 80s music, mixed with some good Michael Jackson. Suddenly, something seems weird to me. I can't put my finger on it. It's kind of like that feeling when you walk in a room, and something smells bad, but not bad enough that you can say something about it, especially because it could be someone around you. Instead, you just wonder to yourself, and when you figure it out, you might be inclined to say something. So I stopped dancing, and sat down on this red velvet couch to observe. To my right, there are these two guys dancing on a stage that has a pole in the center. One of them is jumping up and down like a horse and the other one is doing something that resembles throwing a lasso. In front of me, these shoeless whores wearing what look like panchos are stomping around and waving their arms in a wild fashion. On the couch to my left, there are these two relatively attractive girls with their arms around eachother, sharing a cig in a really weird way. oh. my. god. It hit me. We were in a gay bar! So I asked the girl, "is this a gay bar" and she simply said, "yes, all six levels of this bar are gay." MoneSplye had never been to a gay bar before, but hey, we're in europe.

So the night ended with us sleeping on the floor of these girls room. This crazy cat kept leaping all over us, but I threw some of my gypsy dust on it. Initially, the girl asked us to sleep with the light on, and then MoneSplye said something to the effect of "this isn't the underground railroad" and then she eventually came to her senses. I slept pretty well, considering it was on the floor.

Anyway, the last funny thing that happened was this morning. So we were on the bus to work and then this crazy lady stands up and starts screaming at the bus. When I say yelling I mean it sounded like she was hacking up a loogie, throwing up and screaming at the top of her lungs at the same time. She has to be like 75 and she's carrying around a jar of booze. Yes, a jar of booze. At 10am. I think it was a mix of red wine, bleach, dirt, crushed Claritin and red pepper from the way this crazy old slut smelled. She took an empty bag of potato chips from this little kid and stuffed it in her bag. MoneSplye thought that was the final ingredient she needed for her special human stew. Anyway, she comes up to us and starts yelling at our Indian roommate, saying god knows what. She kept bumping into splye, which was hilarious because of how disgusted he looked. Suddenly, she grabbed Splye by the wrist and thrust a finger in his face and started screaming at him. At that point I grabbed my blackberry out of my pocket and knocked the bitch in the back of the head. She crumpled to the floor, in a pool of her own blood as her jar of booze exploded on the floor. The whole bus started to cheer! They patted Splye on the back and they all pitched in to give me the equivalent of $82 american. I felt like a god.

just kidding about the hitting the bitch in the head part, we got off the bus before she could assault us further.

oh yeah, some kid told me that his only dream was to go to the US and see the statue of liberty. then he said that he would never go because it would take 4 months of his parents wages to pay for the flight alone. it def struck a chord with MoneSplye, certainly quite humbling. we'll hit you up in a few days, wish us luck tonight!!

love,
Benjamin