So the end of our eurotrip has finally come. We have spent the past three nights in Prague and are leaving tomorrow morning to go back to the great Republic of the United States. I can't believe we have been gone for so long, it feels like only yesterday I was in Krakow, making it rain zloty and changing kid's lives. But prague has been pretty ridiculous. The weather here is exactly how I pictured it--dreary and cloudy from sun up to sundown. It's basically communist weather, that's what you get for not making baseball your national past time and eating tree roots instead of doritos. Other than the weather, shit here is pretty dope. The currency is kind of fucked up, its about 20-1 on the dollar, so we end up dropping like $875 on a dinner for three of us. It kind of feels like monopoly money, and it also kind of feels like we are huge bosses throwing around paper. The money here is called Korona's, but we call it either Rupees or Goulashes. It flows better. It also seems like nothing here is illegal. As soon as we stepped out of our hostel (at 3pm on monday), some dude in a medieval jester's outfit asked us if we wanted "sex and striptease." We normally never turn down such offers from people in medieval outfits, but we had a city to explore.
The first night began with a visit to the famed "Beer Factory," where you can go and basically serve yourself beer. Everyone who has been to prague told us we should hit this spot up, so we did. We ended up getting pretty banged up at this place--we met girls from Germany and Russia who loved that we were American. One German broad kept telling me, "Oooh America, I love San Diego, it's a great lifestyle!" I've never been to Whale's Vagina, but I pretended that I had. Tom was seshing conversation with these Russian broads who didn't speak a lick of english. One asked him to dance and then outgrinded him in 45 seconds tops. He tried speaking spanish to them, but that shit doesn't work in the czech republic. We got a bit saucy and then went to this other bar where we basically posted up until the wee hours. Everybody was smoking trees in the bar and I felt like I was in a 50 cent video. The dj was playing hip hop so MoneSplye + Tom hotboyed on the velvet couches, orchestrating the crowd. My favorite mash up the dj played was when he mixed Party Up by DMX with Ride Wit' Me by Nelly. We ended the night back our hostel with some serious pillow talk and honest confessions.
The next day in Prague was legit. We walked around and saw the sights and it basically reminded us a lot of Krakow. A lot of really old buildings, winding streets, and unfriendly eastern europeans. We stumbled into this weird park where we saw an enormous peacock and a sleeping homeless guy. We sat around in the park for a few hours, tossing miniature apples at a small garbage can from 40 ft., and basically were lamp-nation. We wandered around the city some more, bought some gummi bears (oh word?), and then came back and napped. A hilarious night ensued.
We started off at an Absinthe bar that was right across the street from a club we were going to hit up. This woman basically lit some alcohol and sugar on fire and left our table. I thought I was going to take the shot of absinthe and have a Eurotrip experience with it, but it was basically like normal alcohol. Except burningly hot. Splye wasn't so keen on the 'sinthe, but his reaction to it was pretty hilarious. Anyway, we got banged up that night at the bar where Tom was being junior year Tom. Splye was killin it with these czech broads, and did some ill grind dancing. Tom got BO'd and started asking this girl why her "culture was so depressing" and saying "totally" every third word. We got our swerve on and danced til the early hours again. Our night ended as the sun came up with little left intact but our dignity--except not.
We woke up and decided to walk to the Prague castle and saw more European wonders. At this point we have been travelling for so long that shit all seems the same. I guess I'm over travelled, but I'm definitely ready to come home. We went to a baller dinner tonight, threw back some wine and chicken and reminisced about the trip. It's been a great time, catching up with Tom was legit and travelling has been even more fun. I'm glad I kept this blog, I'm going to do a wrap up post when I get home tomorrow or the next day. A lot of hilarious shit has happened that we can't really remember, but it's been enjoyable none the less. Until next time, stay strapped...
does anybody get the title of this post?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
GUEST POST: TOM de SPAIN
Greetings from Prague! Senor Tom speaking. You may remember me from BB&N class of ’04, AEPi Tau chapter at THE Vanderbilt University, or La Escuela Secundaria de Triana, 08-09. Whether you know me personally, or are just some hippie from Portland or trendy New Yorker that I’ve never met, yours truly is now accompanying the road-weary monesplye on a whirlwind tour of Europe. As some of you know, I have spent the year teaching English to little Chiwalla Spaniards, and this trip has been partially organized to relearn the English language and regain some of the wit I have invariably lost in 9 months without any exposure to dry American humor, save the occasional American movie dubbed in Spanish. As monesplye have reported, the trip has gotten off to a great start. Our first night at YAB (You Are Beautiful) with our tour guide Mark Anthony was hilarious and fun. One aspect of the club that mones left out was that the clientele was exclusively made up of extremely thugged out black guys wearing tall T’s and flat brims, and drunk rich American girls wearing what we are all used to drunk rich American girls wearing. I hadn’t seen that unlikely combination work so well since AEPlaid. Interlaken was awesome, probably more fun, but in a completely different way. Our days of wandering around world-famous churches and museums without actually entering any of them turned into afternoons spent climbing down canyons and swimming in turquoise glacial lakes. Our trendy nights sipping aged Chianti in Tuscan Villas or sucking down 9 dollar ‘tails in clubs with laughable names in Florence became pregaming with a vodka and fanta and getting close to blacked out in the smoky basement dive bar whose special was a huge draft beer with a shot of vodka poured into it for 6 euros. Splye explained most of our stay in the Swiss Alps in his blog post. But he didn’t fully capture the hilarity of me and mones dragging him on a 3 hour hike in the pouring rain. There was a point near the top where the trail would change direction every 30 feet or so and become slightly steeper. At this point he just completely stopped interacting with us and put a miserable look on his face (moody splye) and every time he turned a corner he would mutter some string of unspeakable phrases about how miserable he was. He then forced us to take a break and explained that he “hadn’t had so little fun since taking practice SAT’s the summer before senior year.”
But ANYways, we got to Munich 2 days ago in the afternoon ready for the legendary nightlife. I had the misfortune of leaving my ipod on the train and the further misfortune of not realizing it until we got to the hotel, so I spent 20 minutes searching the train and asking help desks if they had found it. It eventually was recovered so the only damage done was to the new mature/responsible post-college image I was trying to portray. Monesplye 1, post-college Tom 0. After we got settled in our hostel and I convinced monesplye that exploring the city a little before we go out would be more fun than laying in bed bbming Holman and checking the mets score, we went out to get some food and walk around. We found some crazy outdoor fair where we bought brautworst (aka footlong fenway franks) and sat down to eat only to realize that we were the only people under the age of 55 present. We walked around uneventfully a little more, decided that we hated munich, returned to the hostel , showered, and put on our finest silk button downs and driving shoes to experience the famous munich nightlife on the only Saturday night of our trip. As it turns out, our taste of the munich nightlife would consist exclusively of the bar on the first floor of our hostel, which was extremely fun and cheap. Monesplye + Tom posted up at the bar at about 7pm, aka happy hour, generally annoyed by the other drunk Americans at the bar who were participating in some gay bar crawl (slogan: the best night you’ll never remember!!) , and order a round of cocktails to begin the night. We soon strike up a conversation with the broads posted up to our left, one of whom turns out to be Kristin Torrey! Not actually but this girl looked EXACTLY like her it was bizarre. We yap with these girls for a very long time, with splye leading conversation. He tells the story about getting held up on the Canadian border for having pot. They loved it cause they were canucks- splye was basically on fire. One of the girls was a fat blonde (Kristin Torrey) and the other was a generic looking jewess with FT’s, both equally enthralled with spence’s every word. Kristin Torrey talked with a ridiculously girly and annoying voice, but was actually saying really hilarious shit. There was one point where me and mones had lauged at like 4 straight jokes she had made, which is pretty unheard of, and he turns to me and says “she’s on fire” in the voice of Dr. Evil from AP#3 when he says “Scottie’s on fire.” It was on point. We end up getting pretty banged up with these girls for the duration of the happy hour and beyond, they decide to stay at the hostel bar, and we decide to go out and see what munich nightlife outside the Euro Youth Hostel has to offer- which is apparently NOT MUCH. We walked out of the hostel like 20 feet behind 4 other girls and a few blocks down the road they ask us if we have a bottle opener, Tom opens her bottle with his teeth, and they instantly love us. One of them was a Japanese girl who spoke English with an incredibly strong british accent which we all agreed wierded us out. Some other girl was from Lake Tahoe and was nonsensically explaining to us how there are a lot of dead people at the bottom of the lake and when global warming happened they were all gonna rise to the surface and destroy the lake’s natural beauty …or something. She was also telling us how the guy who discovered the Titanic explored the bottom of the lake and may or may not have discovered treasure but he won’t tell anyone, so we still don’t know or something. It was hilarious we were like laughing in her face. We all decided to go to this Australian bar, get there only to find it is closed, strike up a conversation with a bunch of brits who were there for their buddy’s bachelor party, and follow them cause they say they’re going to some club. Monesplye + Tom walks about 5 blocks with this crew, realize we are all wearing like running shoes and that the bar at the hostel was more fun, and we slip away unannounced to go back to the hostel. We post up at a table, KT and the Jewess come over , and we keep boozing with them until the wee hours until we all responsibly decide to retire to bed. As we are bidding these girls goodbye, KT hugs spencer and whispers in his ear “you’re my favorite!” It was hilarious, splye was pretty pumped. The next day we awake too late to go on the bike tour and go to some glorious breakfast place that has pancakes, omlettes, fried eggs, etc and had a good meal. We then abandon all plans to go on tours, see the sites, etc and decide to go to the English Garten, the largest urban public park in Europe or something. Mones bets Tom a beer that it’s 10 times as big as central park, which is ridiculous, and it turns out to be like 20 acres bigger and mones has yet to buy Tom that beer. We walk around the park, encounter some ridiculous like white water river that people in wet suits are literally surfing on, and go post up on a bench and yap about hilarious stories from high school and the such. Splye relays the story about Holman finding that email from some beta dude which eventually leads to him getting sucker punched at Mcguinnes, which I thought was hilarious. After several hours in the park we go to this enormous beer garden and get delicious food and extremely large beers. On one side we were sitting next to a group of asian tourists who literally took a picture of each other eating with like blank looks on their face every 3 seconds. They then proceed to start videotaping each other which was so bizarre/hilarious that we take a secretly take a picture. On the other side of us were a bunch of drunk American college students that were being extremely unpopular and annoying. One of the girls went to cheers her friend with these huge mugs and she did it so hard that her mug shattered in her hand and everyone around her said “whooaa” really loud and she loved it. We leave after an hour or so and return to the hostel moderately drunk and extremely tired at like 11. We watch a little of some soccer game and retire to bed early cause we had a 7 hour train to Prague today that left at like 8 in the morning. We are now preparing for our first night out in prague. There will be blood.
But ANYways, we got to Munich 2 days ago in the afternoon ready for the legendary nightlife. I had the misfortune of leaving my ipod on the train and the further misfortune of not realizing it until we got to the hotel, so I spent 20 minutes searching the train and asking help desks if they had found it. It eventually was recovered so the only damage done was to the new mature/responsible post-college image I was trying to portray. Monesplye 1, post-college Tom 0. After we got settled in our hostel and I convinced monesplye that exploring the city a little before we go out would be more fun than laying in bed bbming Holman and checking the mets score, we went out to get some food and walk around. We found some crazy outdoor fair where we bought brautworst (aka footlong fenway franks) and sat down to eat only to realize that we were the only people under the age of 55 present. We walked around uneventfully a little more, decided that we hated munich, returned to the hostel , showered, and put on our finest silk button downs and driving shoes to experience the famous munich nightlife on the only Saturday night of our trip. As it turns out, our taste of the munich nightlife would consist exclusively of the bar on the first floor of our hostel, which was extremely fun and cheap. Monesplye + Tom posted up at the bar at about 7pm, aka happy hour, generally annoyed by the other drunk Americans at the bar who were participating in some gay bar crawl (slogan: the best night you’ll never remember!!) , and order a round of cocktails to begin the night. We soon strike up a conversation with the broads posted up to our left, one of whom turns out to be Kristin Torrey! Not actually but this girl looked EXACTLY like her it was bizarre. We yap with these girls for a very long time, with splye leading conversation. He tells the story about getting held up on the Canadian border for having pot. They loved it cause they were canucks- splye was basically on fire. One of the girls was a fat blonde (Kristin Torrey) and the other was a generic looking jewess with FT’s, both equally enthralled with spence’s every word. Kristin Torrey talked with a ridiculously girly and annoying voice, but was actually saying really hilarious shit. There was one point where me and mones had lauged at like 4 straight jokes she had made, which is pretty unheard of, and he turns to me and says “she’s on fire” in the voice of Dr. Evil from AP#3 when he says “Scottie’s on fire.” It was on point. We end up getting pretty banged up with these girls for the duration of the happy hour and beyond, they decide to stay at the hostel bar, and we decide to go out and see what munich nightlife outside the Euro Youth Hostel has to offer- which is apparently NOT MUCH. We walked out of the hostel like 20 feet behind 4 other girls and a few blocks down the road they ask us if we have a bottle opener, Tom opens her bottle with his teeth, and they instantly love us. One of them was a Japanese girl who spoke English with an incredibly strong british accent which we all agreed wierded us out. Some other girl was from Lake Tahoe and was nonsensically explaining to us how there are a lot of dead people at the bottom of the lake and when global warming happened they were all gonna rise to the surface and destroy the lake’s natural beauty …or something. She was also telling us how the guy who discovered the Titanic explored the bottom of the lake and may or may not have discovered treasure but he won’t tell anyone, so we still don’t know or something. It was hilarious we were like laughing in her face. We all decided to go to this Australian bar, get there only to find it is closed, strike up a conversation with a bunch of brits who were there for their buddy’s bachelor party, and follow them cause they say they’re going to some club. Monesplye + Tom walks about 5 blocks with this crew, realize we are all wearing like running shoes and that the bar at the hostel was more fun, and we slip away unannounced to go back to the hostel. We post up at a table, KT and the Jewess come over , and we keep boozing with them until the wee hours until we all responsibly decide to retire to bed. As we are bidding these girls goodbye, KT hugs spencer and whispers in his ear “you’re my favorite!” It was hilarious, splye was pretty pumped. The next day we awake too late to go on the bike tour and go to some glorious breakfast place that has pancakes, omlettes, fried eggs, etc and had a good meal. We then abandon all plans to go on tours, see the sites, etc and decide to go to the English Garten, the largest urban public park in Europe or something. Mones bets Tom a beer that it’s 10 times as big as central park, which is ridiculous, and it turns out to be like 20 acres bigger and mones has yet to buy Tom that beer. We walk around the park, encounter some ridiculous like white water river that people in wet suits are literally surfing on, and go post up on a bench and yap about hilarious stories from high school and the such. Splye relays the story about Holman finding that email from some beta dude which eventually leads to him getting sucker punched at Mcguinnes, which I thought was hilarious. After several hours in the park we go to this enormous beer garden and get delicious food and extremely large beers. On one side we were sitting next to a group of asian tourists who literally took a picture of each other eating with like blank looks on their face every 3 seconds. They then proceed to start videotaping each other which was so bizarre/hilarious that we take a secretly take a picture. On the other side of us were a bunch of drunk American college students that were being extremely unpopular and annoying. One of the girls went to cheers her friend with these huge mugs and she did it so hard that her mug shattered in her hand and everyone around her said “whooaa” really loud and she loved it. We leave after an hour or so and return to the hostel moderately drunk and extremely tired at like 11. We watch a little of some soccer game and retire to bed early cause we had a 7 hour train to Prague today that left at like 8 in the morning. We are now preparing for our first night out in prague. There will be blood.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Dear Journal, Its me Doug!
the hardest part about writing these blogs is thinking of what to say first. so to make it easy for myself, i wrote this sentence and the previous one to let you know that. we have been in interlaken, switzerland for 3 days and it has been quite glorious to say the least. as some of you smartypants already know interlaken is in between two lakes, hence its name. the lakes are the most wonderous color of blue imaginary to man. i dont really know how to explain it but i would say its a mix between glacier freeze gatorade and the artificial color you see when you are at a lazy river at a water park. i hope that paints the picture for you. the day we got here, it was so nice that monesplye + tom decided to walk to one of the lakes and rent a boat. we rented this rickety rowboat that whenever you made a paddle stroke, the oars would make a noise similar to that of a dying giraffe. we were paddling away from shore so slowly for some reason that trendy people at this trendy lakeside restaurant were just like sipping their frappucinos and glaring at us as we tried to get out of site. adventure tom took a dip in the lake which looked extremely refreshing, but i did not follow his lead because of the loch ness monster. it was like the three of us together were as one, the old man and the sea. we all started laying down on the boat and like semi-napped when the sound of a gigantic boat foghorn startled us as we realized we were in its path or something. that happened like 3 times.
our hostel here looks like a house that would be on the real world (NICE ONE TOM!!!) on the outside. on the inside, it is filled with swarming families of indian and asian decent. i guess this is a huge hotspot for people from asia, who woulda thunk it. it kinda looks like a military bunker with like cement walls and things of that sort that has been decorated by a trendy minimalist interior designer. food and such is ridiculously expensive here, you americans- think of like aspen and thats the feel you get when you are here. so we have been buying stuff to cook for dinner and in order to prevent us from dropping wicked loot at bars, we buy bottles of liquor before we go out. while we were seshing our typical fanta orange and vods, we ran into this dude who graduated vandy this year and kicked it with him and his golfer friend from seton hall. we attempted to go to this bar with them but they wouldnt let us in cause we were like "too good looking" or something.
on the second day, we did this thing called canyoning. it was very exciting and fun. its basically going up into the alps and then making your way down through a river with like rapids and cliffs and like natural water chutes and sweet things of that sort. it was really fun. i didnt know what to expect beforehand and wondered if it was hard. i realized on the bus ride there that i was going to be fine because in our group was a family of large to quite large texans and one of the guides 8 year old son. phew. its kinda hard to explain the different things we did so i wont really try. but there was one small thing we did where the guides like pushed you under a waterfall and you got like pushed around and then you are suppossed to like gracefully float with the current and into the other people who would stop you from going into a rocky wall of death. when i went, last, no one was there to prevent me from hitting this very same rocky wall of death and i basically got my ass beat by the current smashing me into the wall, holding my head underwater. my life flashed before my eyes and i saw a myself on a swing, a rainbow and snuffaluffagus. but i finally was able to free myself from death's watery grasp and i looked up to realize no one really cared about my well being. the whole experience was tight and they even gave us complimentary bread & cheese and beer afterwards. that night, we spiced things up and got rum instead of vodka and drank and went to this bar, balmers. we were told by zachary balthazar reiner that it was like a frat party there and his description did not let us down. the only thing was that there were clusters of REALLY unpopular dudes dancing REALLY unpopularly throughout the bar. this one kid looked like he was 12 and when that song- shorty got low-low-low-low apple bottom jeans or something was on, he got so low that he fell and looked like a turtle on his back, with no power to get up. his other blacked out accomplice helped him out and saved the day. we met these annoying broads from THE ohio state and when that song your hot and your cold your yes and your no came one, tom aka hitch told one of them that it was my song and she told me we should dance, so i did. her attempt of grinddancing was placing her behind on my crotch and like moving every extremity but not her butt. it was a fun night, besides when tom spilled on me and made a flawless representation of what piss would look like if i had pissed my pants.
today, it was raining so we decided to go on a two and a half hour hike up a mountain. great idea. to me the hike was as if you turned the world upside down and we were climbing to the devil's laire in hell. but we made it to the top, soaking wet from rain and sweat. it got to a point where you didnt know why you were wet but you were okay with it. the top was kinda tight with the views and such, but hey i could have seen it on the internet. haha im kidding, im glad i did it but i was definitely not merry during the excursion. we have a mad early train to catch to munich tomorrow so i dont think we are hitting the town tonight. maybe well try and assimilate ourselves into an asian family and like party with them, but i doubt it. i cant believe im going to be home in less than a week. im really excited to get back and play some softball. hope everyones summers are swell. till next time.
-blye, spencer t.
p.s. i hope some of you know the reference of the title of this blog
our hostel here looks like a house that would be on the real world (NICE ONE TOM!!!) on the outside. on the inside, it is filled with swarming families of indian and asian decent. i guess this is a huge hotspot for people from asia, who woulda thunk it. it kinda looks like a military bunker with like cement walls and things of that sort that has been decorated by a trendy minimalist interior designer. food and such is ridiculously expensive here, you americans- think of like aspen and thats the feel you get when you are here. so we have been buying stuff to cook for dinner and in order to prevent us from dropping wicked loot at bars, we buy bottles of liquor before we go out. while we were seshing our typical fanta orange and vods, we ran into this dude who graduated vandy this year and kicked it with him and his golfer friend from seton hall. we attempted to go to this bar with them but they wouldnt let us in cause we were like "too good looking" or something.
on the second day, we did this thing called canyoning. it was very exciting and fun. its basically going up into the alps and then making your way down through a river with like rapids and cliffs and like natural water chutes and sweet things of that sort. it was really fun. i didnt know what to expect beforehand and wondered if it was hard. i realized on the bus ride there that i was going to be fine because in our group was a family of large to quite large texans and one of the guides 8 year old son. phew. its kinda hard to explain the different things we did so i wont really try. but there was one small thing we did where the guides like pushed you under a waterfall and you got like pushed around and then you are suppossed to like gracefully float with the current and into the other people who would stop you from going into a rocky wall of death. when i went, last, no one was there to prevent me from hitting this very same rocky wall of death and i basically got my ass beat by the current smashing me into the wall, holding my head underwater. my life flashed before my eyes and i saw a myself on a swing, a rainbow and snuffaluffagus. but i finally was able to free myself from death's watery grasp and i looked up to realize no one really cared about my well being. the whole experience was tight and they even gave us complimentary bread & cheese and beer afterwards. that night, we spiced things up and got rum instead of vodka and drank and went to this bar, balmers. we were told by zachary balthazar reiner that it was like a frat party there and his description did not let us down. the only thing was that there were clusters of REALLY unpopular dudes dancing REALLY unpopularly throughout the bar. this one kid looked like he was 12 and when that song- shorty got low-low-low-low apple bottom jeans or something was on, he got so low that he fell and looked like a turtle on his back, with no power to get up. his other blacked out accomplice helped him out and saved the day. we met these annoying broads from THE ohio state and when that song your hot and your cold your yes and your no came one, tom aka hitch told one of them that it was my song and she told me we should dance, so i did. her attempt of grinddancing was placing her behind on my crotch and like moving every extremity but not her butt. it was a fun night, besides when tom spilled on me and made a flawless representation of what piss would look like if i had pissed my pants.
today, it was raining so we decided to go on a two and a half hour hike up a mountain. great idea. to me the hike was as if you turned the world upside down and we were climbing to the devil's laire in hell. but we made it to the top, soaking wet from rain and sweat. it got to a point where you didnt know why you were wet but you were okay with it. the top was kinda tight with the views and such, but hey i could have seen it on the internet. haha im kidding, im glad i did it but i was definitely not merry during the excursion. we have a mad early train to catch to munich tomorrow so i dont think we are hitting the town tonight. maybe well try and assimilate ourselves into an asian family and like party with them, but i doubt it. i cant believe im going to be home in less than a week. im really excited to get back and play some softball. hope everyones summers are swell. till next time.
-blye, spencer t.
p.s. i hope some of you know the reference of the title of this blog
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Partying with Mark Anthony and Tony Gonzales
What up world? Shit has gotten radically different since we last spoke. We bounced out of Poland, and are now touring western Europe. You might have noticed that the quality of the blog has gone a bit downhill in the past few weeks. Quite simply, we got very bored of Krakow--partially because we lived in a hostel for 22 DAYS, partially because a daily diet of sausage, vodka and stale bread numbs the mind. Don't fear, the quality of the blog is about to sky rocket, partially because of the arrival of.....FAT TOM.
We met fat tom in the florence train station, where he took a picture of us as we got off the train. funny because we were going to do the same thing, but he beat us to the punch. We haven't seen Tom since he came to visit school last year, and he remains mostly the same after a year in spain. The only major differences are that he drinks expresso (for real), he has lost command of the english language, and wears cardigans. But we brought him back to earth with (according to him) our "dry wit and jewish humor." Anyway, the trip has started off with a bang to say the least. We got a little saucy with a bottle of wine and some beers and we hit florence. We walked around and eventually stumbled into this restaurant, which was bomb as hell. This puerto rican dude was kind of our waiter and we decided to ask him what bars to go to, since none of us had really spent time in florence before. Suprisingly enough he told us to just wait for him to get off work and he would roll with us out. Last time we followed random dudes to bars, MoneSplye ended up at a gay bar with three dudes. But this was a different country, so we rolled the dice. So the guy basically returns in this weird vest, holman-esque jean shorts and a fedora. He got us free shots from the bar next to the restaurant, and we were off. He takes us to this hip hop bar called YAB, which stands for You Are Beautiful (what?) and gets us past the bouncers in a way that JLevine would envy. We did the following things:
1. We partied with Tony Gonzales, soon to be Atlanta Falcon. I told him he was a legend and he took a picture with us. He was the man, it's cool to see NFL players dancing like retards in the club and gettin buck.
2. We encountered a group of girls and dudes from Vanderbilt, doing some study abroad program. We knew a few of them and grind danced a little bit before they left. We seshed a few tails and showed off our newly acquired European swagger. Tom led the pack, the graduate who was "just helpin the kids" in Spain.
3. Got swindled.
The entire time this puerto rican dude, Mark Anthony was following us around. He was literally our roll dog, he kept trying to find us girls and get f'd up with us. The night ended as we walked back to our hotel late night. He kept sayin things like, "I got a son, but you know I keep it real" Then he showed us these pornos he made on his phone. of him. that got really graphic. we all silently looked at eachother with what the fuck written across our face. Anyway, he gave us his business card, which was just a puerto rican flag with his name and number. it made me realize i should get a business card with my name and the American flag, i'd get mad jobs and womens. End night 1 in Florence. Great Success.
The second night in florence was even better. We ended up going out to Spencer's family friend's house in the Tuscan countryside. We were scheduled to have dinner with this woman at her house, and she supposedly was a notoriously good cook. Driving out of the city in her son's Mini, I imagined a sprawling Tuscan mansion surrounded by a huge property. I imagined a luscious garden with olive trees and various flowers--there would also be a sick pool and a tennis court. I couldn't have been more right in my assumptions. This house was ballin--it was built in the 14th century or some shit and looked like an ill museum on the inside. Only pictures could do it justice. We had an incredible dinner of florentine steak, sausage, ribs, pasta, salad and four bottles of red wine. One of her sons spoke good english, so there was interesting conversation to draw out the dinner. Tom kept speaking SPanish and picking up random italian so he was able to laugh at their jokes. Me and splye didnt really understand shit, so we werent able to keep up but whatever. tom probably had no idea what they were saying--he was just giddy to be with Americans again.
Anyway, we are chillin in Interlaken now. it's a postcard beautiful everywhere you look. The alps are dank nugs to say the least. Catching up with tom is fun, we rehashed some old southpark and made fun of eachother about ladies, drinking, and frat shit.
I gotta go drink more vodka and orange soda--the standard drink of this trip. stay tuned for a guest post by tom...
BM
We met fat tom in the florence train station, where he took a picture of us as we got off the train. funny because we were going to do the same thing, but he beat us to the punch. We haven't seen Tom since he came to visit school last year, and he remains mostly the same after a year in spain. The only major differences are that he drinks expresso (for real), he has lost command of the english language, and wears cardigans. But we brought him back to earth with (according to him) our "dry wit and jewish humor." Anyway, the trip has started off with a bang to say the least. We got a little saucy with a bottle of wine and some beers and we hit florence. We walked around and eventually stumbled into this restaurant, which was bomb as hell. This puerto rican dude was kind of our waiter and we decided to ask him what bars to go to, since none of us had really spent time in florence before. Suprisingly enough he told us to just wait for him to get off work and he would roll with us out. Last time we followed random dudes to bars, MoneSplye ended up at a gay bar with three dudes. But this was a different country, so we rolled the dice. So the guy basically returns in this weird vest, holman-esque jean shorts and a fedora. He got us free shots from the bar next to the restaurant, and we were off. He takes us to this hip hop bar called YAB, which stands for You Are Beautiful (what?) and gets us past the bouncers in a way that JLevine would envy. We did the following things:
1. We partied with Tony Gonzales, soon to be Atlanta Falcon. I told him he was a legend and he took a picture with us. He was the man, it's cool to see NFL players dancing like retards in the club and gettin buck.
2. We encountered a group of girls and dudes from Vanderbilt, doing some study abroad program. We knew a few of them and grind danced a little bit before they left. We seshed a few tails and showed off our newly acquired European swagger. Tom led the pack, the graduate who was "just helpin the kids" in Spain.
3. Got swindled.
The entire time this puerto rican dude, Mark Anthony was following us around. He was literally our roll dog, he kept trying to find us girls and get f'd up with us. The night ended as we walked back to our hotel late night. He kept sayin things like, "I got a son, but you know I keep it real" Then he showed us these pornos he made on his phone. of him. that got really graphic. we all silently looked at eachother with what the fuck written across our face. Anyway, he gave us his business card, which was just a puerto rican flag with his name and number. it made me realize i should get a business card with my name and the American flag, i'd get mad jobs and womens. End night 1 in Florence. Great Success.
The second night in florence was even better. We ended up going out to Spencer's family friend's house in the Tuscan countryside. We were scheduled to have dinner with this woman at her house, and she supposedly was a notoriously good cook. Driving out of the city in her son's Mini, I imagined a sprawling Tuscan mansion surrounded by a huge property. I imagined a luscious garden with olive trees and various flowers--there would also be a sick pool and a tennis court. I couldn't have been more right in my assumptions. This house was ballin--it was built in the 14th century or some shit and looked like an ill museum on the inside. Only pictures could do it justice. We had an incredible dinner of florentine steak, sausage, ribs, pasta, salad and four bottles of red wine. One of her sons spoke good english, so there was interesting conversation to draw out the dinner. Tom kept speaking SPanish and picking up random italian so he was able to laugh at their jokes. Me and splye didnt really understand shit, so we werent able to keep up but whatever. tom probably had no idea what they were saying--he was just giddy to be with Americans again.
Anyway, we are chillin in Interlaken now. it's a postcard beautiful everywhere you look. The alps are dank nugs to say the least. Catching up with tom is fun, we rehashed some old southpark and made fun of eachother about ladies, drinking, and frat shit.
I gotta go drink more vodka and orange soda--the standard drink of this trip. stay tuned for a guest post by tom...
BM
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The Beginning of the End
"the loss of monesplye will dampen krakow forever"-the polish times
"take our first born, but do not taketh monesplye"-the gypsy inquirer
"economy in ruins after departure of monesplye"- the polak journal
"monument to be made in market square to remember monesplye"- the weekend pole
"gypsys caught feasting on human flesh in abandoned home"-poland post
as monesplye awoke on the first cloudless morning in recent history, he was greated with church bells and stacks of various publications giving their respect to the departing duo. we know we were really cool, but famous? wow. for those of you who have journeyed with us on our blog through our ups and downs in krakow, you should understand that we are ready to get the fuck up out of this bitch. a journey lies ahead of us, and we are ready to take europe head on. krakow definitely left its mark on me and i will always remember it as my first european experience. i will also remember it for rain, gypsys and the lack of males wearing flip flops.
we said goodbye to our polish guide woman this afternoon and it was painful to say the least. with her were two other girls on a similar program as monesplye and they were pissing me off. this one girl, some teva wearing hippie from chi town was just blabbering on about uninteresting stuff and sipping some trendy hot chocolate as if she owned the freakin world. she noticed that monesplye wasnt into the conversation and was giving us silent and audible attitude. as we tried to be polite about leaving, she barked out of nowhere and said "TRYING TO GO?" or something in hippie jargon. i felt the urge to take her hot cocoa and throw it in her face but i resisted, i have learned the zen ways of poland. when we hugged and kissed out coordinator kasia goodbye, it finally hit us that we were leaving. taking the tram one last time, monesplye soaked in the memories while a barely coherent fat polak stood awfully too close to ben.
a few nights ago, when we went to one of our favorite spots, cien club, i spotted this girl dancing who had to have been on some sort of date rape drug. she was flailing around, but loving life nonetheless. i then saw a dude that she was with who looked as if he had just been head butt by a mountain ram. the look on his face meant one or two things. one, he was rolling on ecstasy and had no fucking idea what was going on. or two, he was a zombie licking his lips and dreaming about eating human flesh. im going to put my imagination aside and go with number one. the blacked out girl then came up to me, i dont know why, and hollered at me that this guy was just her friend. "i swear hes just my friend. JUST MY FRIEND" jesus lady your scaring us. i was afraid if i got too close she was going to try and grind with me and i was not feeling a loopy dance with this bizarrely drugged broad. so i was pretty distant and she eventually left, teetering her way back to her night of the living dead partner and stood around for a while and left. about 30 minutes later we left the club and i saw them sitting in a gutter crying or something.
this is the last post from poland. i believe the next you will hear from us will be from florence, italia. i cant think of much else to write because these 3 weeks in poland have numbed my brain. but i am confident that our travels ahead of us and the addition of senjor tom will bring life to me once again. see ya later.
-spenceblye
"take our first born, but do not taketh monesplye"-the gypsy inquirer
"economy in ruins after departure of monesplye"- the polak journal
"monument to be made in market square to remember monesplye"- the weekend pole
"gypsys caught feasting on human flesh in abandoned home"-poland post
as monesplye awoke on the first cloudless morning in recent history, he was greated with church bells and stacks of various publications giving their respect to the departing duo. we know we were really cool, but famous? wow. for those of you who have journeyed with us on our blog through our ups and downs in krakow, you should understand that we are ready to get the fuck up out of this bitch. a journey lies ahead of us, and we are ready to take europe head on. krakow definitely left its mark on me and i will always remember it as my first european experience. i will also remember it for rain, gypsys and the lack of males wearing flip flops.
we said goodbye to our polish guide woman this afternoon and it was painful to say the least. with her were two other girls on a similar program as monesplye and they were pissing me off. this one girl, some teva wearing hippie from chi town was just blabbering on about uninteresting stuff and sipping some trendy hot chocolate as if she owned the freakin world. she noticed that monesplye wasnt into the conversation and was giving us silent and audible attitude. as we tried to be polite about leaving, she barked out of nowhere and said "TRYING TO GO?" or something in hippie jargon. i felt the urge to take her hot cocoa and throw it in her face but i resisted, i have learned the zen ways of poland. when we hugged and kissed out coordinator kasia goodbye, it finally hit us that we were leaving. taking the tram one last time, monesplye soaked in the memories while a barely coherent fat polak stood awfully too close to ben.
a few nights ago, when we went to one of our favorite spots, cien club, i spotted this girl dancing who had to have been on some sort of date rape drug. she was flailing around, but loving life nonetheless. i then saw a dude that she was with who looked as if he had just been head butt by a mountain ram. the look on his face meant one or two things. one, he was rolling on ecstasy and had no fucking idea what was going on. or two, he was a zombie licking his lips and dreaming about eating human flesh. im going to put my imagination aside and go with number one. the blacked out girl then came up to me, i dont know why, and hollered at me that this guy was just her friend. "i swear hes just my friend. JUST MY FRIEND" jesus lady your scaring us. i was afraid if i got too close she was going to try and grind with me and i was not feeling a loopy dance with this bizarrely drugged broad. so i was pretty distant and she eventually left, teetering her way back to her night of the living dead partner and stood around for a while and left. about 30 minutes later we left the club and i saw them sitting in a gutter crying or something.
this is the last post from poland. i believe the next you will hear from us will be from florence, italia. i cant think of much else to write because these 3 weeks in poland have numbed my brain. but i am confident that our travels ahead of us and the addition of senjor tom will bring life to me once again. see ya later.
-spenceblye
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The End of the Alf Klub
Dear Diary,
Working at the Alf Klub has officially come to a close. No longer will we take the maze of Polish public transportation to the youth center on the outskirts of Poland. No longer will MoneSplye exchange a glance and a nod when we pass the famed "Field of Dreams" busstop. No longer will we be harassed by gypsys and other creatures of the night, who are blacked out at 10am on a tuesday morning. Our time as virtuous volunteers for the disadvantaged has come to an abrupt end.
The Last Day
We arrived at the Alf Klub to hundreds of little children, dressed in little white tuxes and long dresses, throwing flower petals in our wake. As we passed them, they joined together in a large group, singing our praises in a Polish folk song to the tune of "Every Rose Has It's Thorn." Our final day began as normal. We greeted the other volunteers with a solemn "Hello." Buried in anti-American sentiment, they merely thrust us a disapproving glance. Today was the day that we would cook for the children. We were told by the program director we would have to cook the children one day before our time there was up. We wanted to save the best for last. Spencer, once a sous-chef at a four-star Sri Lankan restaurant, and I, a professionally trained saucier from Indonesia, would prepare a feast. I decided to cook the American classic, "Sloppy Joes" while Spencer opted for the equally tantalizing "Caesar Salad." Both dishes turned out fantastic. Spencer, forced to work with meager ingredients (no vinegar for his vinigrette dressing? preposterous!) turned out a fantastic product. I slaved over the little electric stove for hours, sauteeing the ground beef. A dash of brown sugar there, a cup of sliced bell pepper here, a little TLC, and the rest was history. The children downed the food. It seemed to be the first real meal they had in ages as I watched the young ones clean their plates. After lunch, as the gypsy's cleaned the stove, eating any scraps that might have fallen to the floor, MoneSplye settled into the computer room for our last online gaming session with the kids. We laughed at their jokes, were stupefied when they leveled up to level 20 dwarf Paladins with ease, and shared in their merriment. The other volunteers sat silently, blown away at how we have bonded with the children in such a short time. The other volunteers had resented us, called us names. They had told us that we were loud and tall, as all Americans are. With the latter I cannot disagree, at a combined height MoneSplye stands at a staggering 13 ft. Yet their constant berating and name-calling would not go unpunished--we pooped in paper bags and placed them in their cubbies.
As the day wound to a close, the children suddenly realized they would never see us again. Who would they turn to for inspiration? Who would they confide in? Who would supply them with the immeasurable wealth of love and caring that we had supplied for them? As we left, the children gathered in numbers around us, tugging at our coattails. They begged for us not to leave. At one point, a little girl ripped off Spencer's button down shirt, flying out the door. She was merely trying to keep some memento of the thoughtfulness and happiness she experienced with MoneSplye. "Take us with you!" they cried, tears streaming down their cheeks. "Don't leave!" they garbled in broken English. The usually stoic MoneSplye began to crumble. A single tear rolled down their cheeks as they hugged the children goodbye. "I love statue of liberty," one said. "Dog the Bounty Hunter," said another. "Top Gun!" another cried. We could not take all of these children with us. As we made our way for the door, one of the students tried to thrust herself out the window in an attempted suicide. Luckily, she did not notice that there was also a screen covering the opening. A 21-gun salute greeted us as we began to exit the building, a light bagpipe playing somewhere in the background. As we walked through the halls of the youth center, we passed groups of people. Students, teachers, janitors, priests. All gathered to give us their final goodbyes. Some cried, some held strong. Nodding at our friends and enemies, we left with a clean slate. Walking out the door, we knew that life at Alf Klub would soon return to the monotonous reality it endured before MoneSplye arrival. Yet we were sure of one thing: we had made an impact not only on the local community, but upon ourselves as well.
Goodbye, Alf Klub. Your memory will live on.
Sincerely,
Ben
p.s. This commercial is hilarious. My favorite part is when the guy says, "The last two pages are recipes, most people don't even get that far"
Working at the Alf Klub has officially come to a close. No longer will we take the maze of Polish public transportation to the youth center on the outskirts of Poland. No longer will MoneSplye exchange a glance and a nod when we pass the famed "Field of Dreams" busstop. No longer will we be harassed by gypsys and other creatures of the night, who are blacked out at 10am on a tuesday morning. Our time as virtuous volunteers for the disadvantaged has come to an abrupt end.
The Last Day
We arrived at the Alf Klub to hundreds of little children, dressed in little white tuxes and long dresses, throwing flower petals in our wake. As we passed them, they joined together in a large group, singing our praises in a Polish folk song to the tune of "Every Rose Has It's Thorn." Our final day began as normal. We greeted the other volunteers with a solemn "Hello." Buried in anti-American sentiment, they merely thrust us a disapproving glance. Today was the day that we would cook for the children. We were told by the program director we would have to cook the children one day before our time there was up. We wanted to save the best for last. Spencer, once a sous-chef at a four-star Sri Lankan restaurant, and I, a professionally trained saucier from Indonesia, would prepare a feast. I decided to cook the American classic, "Sloppy Joes" while Spencer opted for the equally tantalizing "Caesar Salad." Both dishes turned out fantastic. Spencer, forced to work with meager ingredients (no vinegar for his vinigrette dressing? preposterous!) turned out a fantastic product. I slaved over the little electric stove for hours, sauteeing the ground beef. A dash of brown sugar there, a cup of sliced bell pepper here, a little TLC, and the rest was history. The children downed the food. It seemed to be the first real meal they had in ages as I watched the young ones clean their plates. After lunch, as the gypsy's cleaned the stove, eating any scraps that might have fallen to the floor, MoneSplye settled into the computer room for our last online gaming session with the kids. We laughed at their jokes, were stupefied when they leveled up to level 20 dwarf Paladins with ease, and shared in their merriment. The other volunteers sat silently, blown away at how we have bonded with the children in such a short time. The other volunteers had resented us, called us names. They had told us that we were loud and tall, as all Americans are. With the latter I cannot disagree, at a combined height MoneSplye stands at a staggering 13 ft. Yet their constant berating and name-calling would not go unpunished--we pooped in paper bags and placed them in their cubbies.
As the day wound to a close, the children suddenly realized they would never see us again. Who would they turn to for inspiration? Who would they confide in? Who would supply them with the immeasurable wealth of love and caring that we had supplied for them? As we left, the children gathered in numbers around us, tugging at our coattails. They begged for us not to leave. At one point, a little girl ripped off Spencer's button down shirt, flying out the door. She was merely trying to keep some memento of the thoughtfulness and happiness she experienced with MoneSplye. "Take us with you!" they cried, tears streaming down their cheeks. "Don't leave!" they garbled in broken English. The usually stoic MoneSplye began to crumble. A single tear rolled down their cheeks as they hugged the children goodbye. "I love statue of liberty," one said. "Dog the Bounty Hunter," said another. "Top Gun!" another cried. We could not take all of these children with us. As we made our way for the door, one of the students tried to thrust herself out the window in an attempted suicide. Luckily, she did not notice that there was also a screen covering the opening. A 21-gun salute greeted us as we began to exit the building, a light bagpipe playing somewhere in the background. As we walked through the halls of the youth center, we passed groups of people. Students, teachers, janitors, priests. All gathered to give us their final goodbyes. Some cried, some held strong. Nodding at our friends and enemies, we left with a clean slate. Walking out the door, we knew that life at Alf Klub would soon return to the monotonous reality it endured before MoneSplye arrival. Yet we were sure of one thing: we had made an impact not only on the local community, but upon ourselves as well.
Goodbye, Alf Klub. Your memory will live on.
Sincerely,
Ben
p.s. This commercial is hilarious. My favorite part is when the guy says, "The last two pages are recipes, most people don't even get that far"
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Professor Monesplye: Class is in Session!
hey guys! whats REALLY good?
life here across the pond is coming along and monesplye only has 5 more days in cracovia. woopie! i really enjoy this city and am having a great time, but we have done all there is to do here and a consensus vote has been taken and monesplye is ready to part ways from the gypsys and meet up with none other than senjor thom. for those of you who do not know tommy aulet, he is as all-american as you can quite possibly be. but living in seville for a year may have changed him and i guess well see. im confident that he will still go buckwild over steak and buttered noodles and red sox t-shirt jerseys.
tonight monesplye decided to splurge and hit up a really trendy italian restaurant. probably our most expensive meal here to date, it costed us 192 zlotte combined, which roughly comes out to 33 dollars (US dollars, aka real money) per person. we got a lovely bottle of the house wine which went adoringly well with my beef carpaccio appetizer. to top it off, it complimented my mixed seafood platter flawlessy leaving a breathtakingly smooth after taste. exquisite, simply exquisite.
but after our meal, things went sour. the event that followed was one of the biggest disappointments of my trip so far. as some of you know, i am a huge supporter of the lord of the rings series. for those of you who did not know that, dont talk shit, and if you do, BACK OFFF. in a recent article i read in esquire magazine, megan fox said she loves lord of the rings and knows the name of gandalf's horse off the top of her head. me too, its shadowfax. so maybe that will change your hippie perspective on one of the greatest trilogies ever (im not a nerd). so apparently there is a lord of the rings themed bar here in krakow and i made mones find it and go there with me. i also made him bring his camera so that i could make a detailed photoshoot to capture the experience. but when we got into the bar, things did not go as planned. it basically had one picture on the wall that said middle earth and that was it. excruciatingly disappointing. it gave me the pit in the stomach feeling i got when christy tompkins never showed up to my 3rd grade bowling party. c'est la vie.
as our loyal blog followers were aware of, monesplye had his presentation on his life in america today at the elementary school where we volunteer at. when we got there, we did not really know what to expect. we walked into a classroom and set up like 20 chairs for our crowd. who was coming to watch? nobody knew and our coordinator, pan anjay, who doesnt speak a freaking word of english obviously didnt say shit to us. but monesplye came prepared for whatever would be fired our way and it turned out about 60 students came into this classroom to listen to us. this girl veida was our translator and we basically had to talk really slow and simple to accomodate her and not the young children. there were many times throughout the presentation that veida had to be corrected by little polish kids whom i was lead to believe could not even tie their own shoes. mones, the bold warrior he is, went first and spoke about things such as portland, his family, basketball, vanderbilt (what what) and pig roasting. i then followed with a brilliant lecture about cool things about nyc such as the statue of liberty and central park. i then tried to teach the kids about baseball and i am confident in saying that these children now know what happens when the ball is hit into the stands where the people sit for the games. it was really funny, when they saw the picture of the statue of liberty on my poster, they all gasped like there was a sensational fireworks show. it was kind of interesting though to see how much these kids want to go to america. def struck a cord.
when we finished our presentation, the kids gave us a huge ovation. it kinda felt like kappa kappa gala all over again. when monesplye left the classroom after all the kids went off after the show, we walked out and were instantly treated like celebrities. i kind of felt like the beatles when we walked through the hallways because little polish girls were screaming and crying while reaching out to touch us. i even saw this one girl rip this other girls pony tail off just so that she could be in our line of sight. no but serially, every kid wanted a piece of monesplye. obama aint got shit on us. on this day, monesplye=n'sync-the gay astronaut dude x burt reynolds. the priest of the school watched our presentation and came up to us afterwards saying that he loves nba basketball and that there were many russians in the nba. ya thanks pal, we know, we are americans. but then something really weird happened. he told our translator something in gibberish and she looked at mones oddly and told him that the guy wanted him to join the priesthood. it was truly bizarre. we have no idea why. maybe its cause hes tall, or maybe cause this guy wanted to bang mones. i guess well never know. he asked us where we were staying and instead of trying to communicate with him verbally, i just gave him the card of our hostel. an action i truly regretted instantly. he said he wanted to visit us or some shit. YIKES. mones said hes sleeping with ducktape on his butt tonight just in case.
one more funny thing i wanted to tell you. we take the bus to work everyday, and when you get outside of the city limits and into the countryside, there are not too many establishments in that area. there is one bus stop that we decided to call the "field of dreams" stop because it literally gets off at a path that curves up a hill and into a little forest. i think most of you devoted blog followers can guess what i am going to say lives up there. everybody on three, 1......2.......3......GYPSYS. cooorrreect. i knew you had it in you. those who said cave goblins, ill give you the benefit of the doubt.
well thats it for now. i foresee myself only making one more post here in krakow, but dont worry, the hostels we have lined up in florence, interlaken, munich and prague all have free wifi.
<3 spencer
life here across the pond is coming along and monesplye only has 5 more days in cracovia. woopie! i really enjoy this city and am having a great time, but we have done all there is to do here and a consensus vote has been taken and monesplye is ready to part ways from the gypsys and meet up with none other than senjor thom. for those of you who do not know tommy aulet, he is as all-american as you can quite possibly be. but living in seville for a year may have changed him and i guess well see. im confident that he will still go buckwild over steak and buttered noodles and red sox t-shirt jerseys.
tonight monesplye decided to splurge and hit up a really trendy italian restaurant. probably our most expensive meal here to date, it costed us 192 zlotte combined, which roughly comes out to 33 dollars (US dollars, aka real money) per person. we got a lovely bottle of the house wine which went adoringly well with my beef carpaccio appetizer. to top it off, it complimented my mixed seafood platter flawlessy leaving a breathtakingly smooth after taste. exquisite, simply exquisite.
but after our meal, things went sour. the event that followed was one of the biggest disappointments of my trip so far. as some of you know, i am a huge supporter of the lord of the rings series. for those of you who did not know that, dont talk shit, and if you do, BACK OFFF. in a recent article i read in esquire magazine, megan fox said she loves lord of the rings and knows the name of gandalf's horse off the top of her head. me too, its shadowfax. so maybe that will change your hippie perspective on one of the greatest trilogies ever (im not a nerd). so apparently there is a lord of the rings themed bar here in krakow and i made mones find it and go there with me. i also made him bring his camera so that i could make a detailed photoshoot to capture the experience. but when we got into the bar, things did not go as planned. it basically had one picture on the wall that said middle earth and that was it. excruciatingly disappointing. it gave me the pit in the stomach feeling i got when christy tompkins never showed up to my 3rd grade bowling party. c'est la vie.
as our loyal blog followers were aware of, monesplye had his presentation on his life in america today at the elementary school where we volunteer at. when we got there, we did not really know what to expect. we walked into a classroom and set up like 20 chairs for our crowd. who was coming to watch? nobody knew and our coordinator, pan anjay, who doesnt speak a freaking word of english obviously didnt say shit to us. but monesplye came prepared for whatever would be fired our way and it turned out about 60 students came into this classroom to listen to us. this girl veida was our translator and we basically had to talk really slow and simple to accomodate her and not the young children. there were many times throughout the presentation that veida had to be corrected by little polish kids whom i was lead to believe could not even tie their own shoes. mones, the bold warrior he is, went first and spoke about things such as portland, his family, basketball, vanderbilt (what what) and pig roasting. i then followed with a brilliant lecture about cool things about nyc such as the statue of liberty and central park. i then tried to teach the kids about baseball and i am confident in saying that these children now know what happens when the ball is hit into the stands where the people sit for the games. it was really funny, when they saw the picture of the statue of liberty on my poster, they all gasped like there was a sensational fireworks show. it was kind of interesting though to see how much these kids want to go to america. def struck a cord.
when we finished our presentation, the kids gave us a huge ovation. it kinda felt like kappa kappa gala all over again. when monesplye left the classroom after all the kids went off after the show, we walked out and were instantly treated like celebrities. i kind of felt like the beatles when we walked through the hallways because little polish girls were screaming and crying while reaching out to touch us. i even saw this one girl rip this other girls pony tail off just so that she could be in our line of sight. no but serially, every kid wanted a piece of monesplye. obama aint got shit on us. on this day, monesplye=n'sync-the gay astronaut dude x burt reynolds. the priest of the school watched our presentation and came up to us afterwards saying that he loves nba basketball and that there were many russians in the nba. ya thanks pal, we know, we are americans. but then something really weird happened. he told our translator something in gibberish and she looked at mones oddly and told him that the guy wanted him to join the priesthood. it was truly bizarre. we have no idea why. maybe its cause hes tall, or maybe cause this guy wanted to bang mones. i guess well never know. he asked us where we were staying and instead of trying to communicate with him verbally, i just gave him the card of our hostel. an action i truly regretted instantly. he said he wanted to visit us or some shit. YIKES. mones said hes sleeping with ducktape on his butt tonight just in case.
one more funny thing i wanted to tell you. we take the bus to work everyday, and when you get outside of the city limits and into the countryside, there are not too many establishments in that area. there is one bus stop that we decided to call the "field of dreams" stop because it literally gets off at a path that curves up a hill and into a little forest. i think most of you devoted blog followers can guess what i am going to say lives up there. everybody on three, 1......2.......3......GYPSYS. cooorrreect. i knew you had it in you. those who said cave goblins, ill give you the benefit of the doubt.
well thats it for now. i foresee myself only making one more post here in krakow, but dont worry, the hostels we have lined up in florence, interlaken, munich and prague all have free wifi.
<3 spencer
Monday, June 8, 2009
Three Weeks In...
so at this point we are not sure if anyone is reading this blog, but if you are, what up? I guess we are also keeping this to remember shit that happened, because as of right now it all seems like one long day.
We've been in Poland for a little more than two weeks, and we are getting a bit tired of the place. It probably stems from being in this got damn hostel for so long. If you've ever been in a hostel, imagine what yours was like and make it about 10x worse. It's a combination of a tiny room with three shitty beds, a weird siren every hour, and windows that we have to put blankets over because it gets so light in the morning. At this point we've seen all the museums in krakow, all the historic sights, and walked along every scenic route that makes this place famous. We realizedthat all there is to do here is eat, booze heavily and post up on the river. While we are experts at heavy boozing (especially somewhere where beer is cheaper than water), it gets kind of repetitive. needless to say, we are ready for a change of scenery (which is coming in a week when we get to florence).
The Alf Klub hasn't changed much. As Splye noted, ocho cinco is gone, so there goes my fortune. Today was weird, Arachnid was not on his computer at all! MoneSplye is very unsure of how to explain this phenomenon, he is literally a different person. The hot blonde who is supposed to be working with us has still not shown up. Chance she doesn't exist: 98.7%. Tomorrow we have to do cultural presentations about America in front of the WHOLE SCHOOL. We are not sure what to expect. The leader of the Alf Klub told us that there would be "media and tv cameras" there, but we were told by the other counselors that he tells everyone that just to make sure they don't dick around on the presentation. Also, they don't have tv cameras here. Still, we don't really know what the deal is. I decided I'm going to talk about Oregon, the Blazers, Basketball, Philly Cheesesteaks, roasting pigs, and my family. My visual aid is a piece of construction paper with shit like crater lake, a picture of Brandon Roy, and a pic of my fam glued on various parts of it. We will definitely let you know what goes down with the presentation.
A few things that I have noticed that are totally different in Poland than in the US:
1. Instead of parking cars on the street, next to the curb, the cars are parked on the sidewalks. They have to leave 4m of walking space on the sidewalks, or they get a fine. After I saw this, I got philosophical. Were these still sidewalks? Weren't they more parking spots with walking zones? What's the point of nipples on dudes?
2. They mixed up their condiments, and what type of spice goes where and when. I wanted to blog about this after something that happened last night. I went out to dinner by myself because Splye wanted to watch the Mets play the Nationals on MLB.com. So I ventured out by myself and ended up in Kazimierz, the Jewish district. I sat down by myself at this outdoor cafe and ordered a beer and some chicken with spinach. At the table next to me was a group of 40-50 year old men and women getting fucked up. I don't mean they were like lightly drinking beers and wine. This was Sunday, 8pm. These people were ordering shots of vodka, tequila, rum an cokes, mojitos, beer, and some weird alcohol I had never seen before. Eventually they saw that I was alone, and invited me to take a shot with them. So I was like, "aiiiight whatever" and I did a tequila shot with them. When the waitress brought out shots of tequila, she brought it out with an orange slice and a little mound of cinammon. What the fuck? Not wanting to seem like a pussy in front of these european lushes, I took the shot with the cinammon and orange, and it was kinda bomb. Write that down, cinammon and orange with tequila. Also, in my time here I've noticed they put mayonaise on kielbasa, lard on bread, and bleach in red wine.
3. I forgot to tell you guys about this from the other night when I went out alone with Sanjay and his bro. If you've ever been in a foreign country, you know therez always locals peddling their wares. Sometimes, these wares are legal. By that I reference the gypsies here who sell blankets, bootleg copies of Walker Texas Ranger, and stolen tears. But there are also the illegal wares that locals sell. Perhaps you've noticed this if you've been to Mexico on Spring Break. There you are chilling on the beach with a Miami Vice in your left hand, and here comes a leathery skinned mexican, carrying a bunch of shit on his back and in his arms. As he walks by, he shoves the goods in your face, "Bracelet, blanket, henna tattoo, kite, name on a grain of rice?" Yet sometimes, if the guy thinks he reads you right he'll say, "Blanket, kite, henna tattoo, mota, yayo? I got you buddy." That always makes me laugh hysterically. Basically they try and sell you drugs on the beach and be covert about it, but as my dad taught me, never buy drugs in a foreign country because there is no such thing as entrapment. Back to Krakow two nights ago: So I'm walking back along a shady street where I guess there are a bunch of strip clubs. There are guys standing at the doors to these places saying things like "Brothel?" "Sex with girl" "You want two girls?" The idea is to keep walking, because you don't want to get sucked into that world and end up blowing lines of gunpowder and coke off a post-op strippers thong in southern bangkok. But as we got to the end of the line, something caught my ear. I could have swore I heard some guy say "You want girl in one boot with blender?" What? What was that? A girl in one boot with a blender? Immediately I imagined some smokin hot chick standing in one boot blending smoothies doing erotic dances. Maybe she had a broken leg, and had to wear a boot that looked like a blender? I eventually realized that the guy either didn't speak English and was trying to say something totally different, or it really was something that I didn't want to be a part of. I'll never know what this one boot blender girl looked like, I'll let you be the judge of what he was saying.
we gotta wake up early for the presentation, so we are chillin tonight. until later, amigos.
-Ben M1s
We've been in Poland for a little more than two weeks, and we are getting a bit tired of the place. It probably stems from being in this got damn hostel for so long. If you've ever been in a hostel, imagine what yours was like and make it about 10x worse. It's a combination of a tiny room with three shitty beds, a weird siren every hour, and windows that we have to put blankets over because it gets so light in the morning. At this point we've seen all the museums in krakow, all the historic sights, and walked along every scenic route that makes this place famous. We realizedthat all there is to do here is eat, booze heavily and post up on the river. While we are experts at heavy boozing (especially somewhere where beer is cheaper than water), it gets kind of repetitive. needless to say, we are ready for a change of scenery (which is coming in a week when we get to florence).
The Alf Klub hasn't changed much. As Splye noted, ocho cinco is gone, so there goes my fortune. Today was weird, Arachnid was not on his computer at all! MoneSplye is very unsure of how to explain this phenomenon, he is literally a different person. The hot blonde who is supposed to be working with us has still not shown up. Chance she doesn't exist: 98.7%. Tomorrow we have to do cultural presentations about America in front of the WHOLE SCHOOL. We are not sure what to expect. The leader of the Alf Klub told us that there would be "media and tv cameras" there, but we were told by the other counselors that he tells everyone that just to make sure they don't dick around on the presentation. Also, they don't have tv cameras here. Still, we don't really know what the deal is. I decided I'm going to talk about Oregon, the Blazers, Basketball, Philly Cheesesteaks, roasting pigs, and my family. My visual aid is a piece of construction paper with shit like crater lake, a picture of Brandon Roy, and a pic of my fam glued on various parts of it. We will definitely let you know what goes down with the presentation.
A few things that I have noticed that are totally different in Poland than in the US:
1. Instead of parking cars on the street, next to the curb, the cars are parked on the sidewalks. They have to leave 4m of walking space on the sidewalks, or they get a fine. After I saw this, I got philosophical. Were these still sidewalks? Weren't they more parking spots with walking zones? What's the point of nipples on dudes?
2. They mixed up their condiments, and what type of spice goes where and when. I wanted to blog about this after something that happened last night. I went out to dinner by myself because Splye wanted to watch the Mets play the Nationals on MLB.com. So I ventured out by myself and ended up in Kazimierz, the Jewish district. I sat down by myself at this outdoor cafe and ordered a beer and some chicken with spinach. At the table next to me was a group of 40-50 year old men and women getting fucked up. I don't mean they were like lightly drinking beers and wine. This was Sunday, 8pm. These people were ordering shots of vodka, tequila, rum an cokes, mojitos, beer, and some weird alcohol I had never seen before. Eventually they saw that I was alone, and invited me to take a shot with them. So I was like, "aiiiight whatever" and I did a tequila shot with them. When the waitress brought out shots of tequila, she brought it out with an orange slice and a little mound of cinammon. What the fuck? Not wanting to seem like a pussy in front of these european lushes, I took the shot with the cinammon and orange, and it was kinda bomb. Write that down, cinammon and orange with tequila. Also, in my time here I've noticed they put mayonaise on kielbasa, lard on bread, and bleach in red wine.
3. I forgot to tell you guys about this from the other night when I went out alone with Sanjay and his bro. If you've ever been in a foreign country, you know therez always locals peddling their wares. Sometimes, these wares are legal. By that I reference the gypsies here who sell blankets, bootleg copies of Walker Texas Ranger, and stolen tears. But there are also the illegal wares that locals sell. Perhaps you've noticed this if you've been to Mexico on Spring Break. There you are chilling on the beach with a Miami Vice in your left hand, and here comes a leathery skinned mexican, carrying a bunch of shit on his back and in his arms. As he walks by, he shoves the goods in your face, "Bracelet, blanket, henna tattoo, kite, name on a grain of rice?" Yet sometimes, if the guy thinks he reads you right he'll say, "Blanket, kite, henna tattoo, mota, yayo? I got you buddy." That always makes me laugh hysterically. Basically they try and sell you drugs on the beach and be covert about it, but as my dad taught me, never buy drugs in a foreign country because there is no such thing as entrapment. Back to Krakow two nights ago: So I'm walking back along a shady street where I guess there are a bunch of strip clubs. There are guys standing at the doors to these places saying things like "Brothel?" "Sex with girl" "You want two girls?" The idea is to keep walking, because you don't want to get sucked into that world and end up blowing lines of gunpowder and coke off a post-op strippers thong in southern bangkok. But as we got to the end of the line, something caught my ear. I could have swore I heard some guy say "You want girl in one boot with blender?" What? What was that? A girl in one boot with a blender? Immediately I imagined some smokin hot chick standing in one boot blending smoothies doing erotic dances. Maybe she had a broken leg, and had to wear a boot that looked like a blender? I eventually realized that the guy either didn't speak English and was trying to say something totally different, or it really was something that I didn't want to be a part of. I'll never know what this one boot blender girl looked like, I'll let you be the judge of what he was saying.
we gotta wake up early for the presentation, so we are chillin tonight. until later, amigos.
-Ben M1s
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Alas.....Earwax!!!
*title has no real meaning, i have just been re-reading harry potter 6
as the days grow longer and the clouds become grayer, i am beginning to forget what the sun looks like. it is a distant memory in a clustered mind. i hope that one day, the sun will reappear and life will go on, they was it was intended to. no but for real, its been cloudy for like the past 10 days and the only time you can see the sun is if you are up at 4 am when it rises.
another thing that is kinda weird about poland is how weird people are about crossing the street. even if there is not a single car in sight, people do not walk unless given the walk signal. its weird and monesplye does not conform and abide by these ways. i feel like every time we cross without a signal people shun us and hiss at us as we walk. this one time i even thought i heard a gypsy recite demonic incantations as we walked across the road. we are starting to feel like there is a heavy fine on those who break the rules of crossing the street when not permitted. i had a strange vision of being locked away in a polish dungeon and second guessed crossing this one time.
we only have 3 more days at the alf club and i cant believe i have already been working there for 2 weeks. the days just blend into one long session of watching the kids play tibia, talkin to adam about how aepi should restructure for the future (see video on previous post), playing neanderthal versions of soccer, football and 500, and just lamping with the kids. next week, ben and i are giving a presentation to the kids basically about whatever we want to talk about on american culture. im going to attempt to teach them baseball (ya right!) and talk about the statue of liberty, central park and other new york things. the director of the club claims that parents are going to come listen to us but im pretty sure the elderly gypsys hate americans and would not waste their time listening to monesplye.
i have not seen ocho cinco this entire past week and i am beginning to worry. i fear that his parents or someone else has noticed his exceptional sporting skills and has begun to train him. it looks as if we will be unable to bring him back to the states and make him the next big thing. there is a kid there, damien, no not the tibia master damien who rules the children in the computer realm, but another damien who is a real dweeb. we have begun to notice that every other kid there picks on him and beats his ass. we asked one of the kids why he was trying to drill a soccer ball at damiens face from point blank range and he simply responded "damien ehhh stupid". understood. yesterday, the meal served at the club was cheese perogis. these lil gypsys went batshit crazy over them. moonz said that they must be equivalent to pb&j at that age. they were pretty delicious.
the last i have seen of sanjay and his brother was when we went to this club on tuesday night that was creepily bright. you could see like everything, it was like watching in HD. not good club atmosphere if i may say so myself. sanjays bro, the ladies man he is as mones described in the previous post, hit on the first thing with breasts that came near him. she invited us to come sit with her friends but it turned out that her friends were slightly balding 40-something males hankering for some young american studs. unfortunately, monesplye fit this description and had to flee the club within nanoseconds (not the last time this will happen, keep reading...)
last night got kinda loopy. we went to the market square and hit an array of clubs throughout the night. we started at this place where these promoters, ala jason levine, were standing outside handing out tickets or some shit that we took and just waltzed straight into the club with. i felt like burt reynolds or something. we went to order drinks at this place, and in front of us at the bar was this baller english dude who slightly resembled a member of the weasley family (another harry potter reference, my bad, but def necessary). he was a baller because not only did he hold two beers in his front jean pockets because of the amount of dranks he bought, but also becuase he was buying numerous bottles of expensive champagne. to top it off, JAGERBOMBS. sounds like my kinda guy. we left that bar after a drink or two and set off for one of our favorite destinations, the cien club. we got there only to be told by bitchy girls that it was for members only. when she said that, i held out my arm as if i were showing her that i had a members mark on my hand. she simply scoffed and let in 3 unpopular dudes dressed like the jonas brothers. we went to a few other places and then mones found these two girls that took us from one club to another. as gentlemenly as monesplye is, we bought them drinks and grinddanced with them for a good hour or so. the girl mones was dancing with was one of the hottest dancers ive ever seen. the girl i was dancing with was alright, at least she grinded which we thought was just a myth in these parts. as that came to an end, we went outside the club and these 3 polish dudes came up to us, one of them trying to bet mones that he was from the dirty jerz. he then suddenly whipped out a new jersey license very quickly, kind of covering the picture and started doing a stupid gypsy victory dance. we are pretty sure the license belonged to someone this guy raped and killed a few months back, but who knows. showing the solid judgement that monesplye possesses, we got in a cab with these guys to last open bar in krakow, or so they said. i dont really get what they were talking about because there were still many places open in the main square. i got kinda nervous and thought that i would not be around to write this blog today. when we got out of the cab, thankfully in front of a public place, we went up into a club that gave monesplye the eerie chills of deja vu. something didnt feel right about this place and it turned out to be the very same, very gay bar that those broads from work took us to. we quickly "had to use the bathroom" and got out of that place as fast as we could. the club is called Kitsch, just in case you were wondering jesse...
thats it for now. i wanted to give another very special shout out to katie desimone. using her cunning wits and einstein-like brain power, she noticed that i said mexican pan flute bands in my last post when i should have said PERUVIAN pan flute bands. i apologize to all of my readers and especially katie, without her this blog would be a complete disaster.
-splye-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai
as the days grow longer and the clouds become grayer, i am beginning to forget what the sun looks like. it is a distant memory in a clustered mind. i hope that one day, the sun will reappear and life will go on, they was it was intended to. no but for real, its been cloudy for like the past 10 days and the only time you can see the sun is if you are up at 4 am when it rises.
another thing that is kinda weird about poland is how weird people are about crossing the street. even if there is not a single car in sight, people do not walk unless given the walk signal. its weird and monesplye does not conform and abide by these ways. i feel like every time we cross without a signal people shun us and hiss at us as we walk. this one time i even thought i heard a gypsy recite demonic incantations as we walked across the road. we are starting to feel like there is a heavy fine on those who break the rules of crossing the street when not permitted. i had a strange vision of being locked away in a polish dungeon and second guessed crossing this one time.
we only have 3 more days at the alf club and i cant believe i have already been working there for 2 weeks. the days just blend into one long session of watching the kids play tibia, talkin to adam about how aepi should restructure for the future (see video on previous post), playing neanderthal versions of soccer, football and 500, and just lamping with the kids. next week, ben and i are giving a presentation to the kids basically about whatever we want to talk about on american culture. im going to attempt to teach them baseball (ya right!) and talk about the statue of liberty, central park and other new york things. the director of the club claims that parents are going to come listen to us but im pretty sure the elderly gypsys hate americans and would not waste their time listening to monesplye.
i have not seen ocho cinco this entire past week and i am beginning to worry. i fear that his parents or someone else has noticed his exceptional sporting skills and has begun to train him. it looks as if we will be unable to bring him back to the states and make him the next big thing. there is a kid there, damien, no not the tibia master damien who rules the children in the computer realm, but another damien who is a real dweeb. we have begun to notice that every other kid there picks on him and beats his ass. we asked one of the kids why he was trying to drill a soccer ball at damiens face from point blank range and he simply responded "damien ehhh stupid". understood. yesterday, the meal served at the club was cheese perogis. these lil gypsys went batshit crazy over them. moonz said that they must be equivalent to pb&j at that age. they were pretty delicious.
the last i have seen of sanjay and his brother was when we went to this club on tuesday night that was creepily bright. you could see like everything, it was like watching in HD. not good club atmosphere if i may say so myself. sanjays bro, the ladies man he is as mones described in the previous post, hit on the first thing with breasts that came near him. she invited us to come sit with her friends but it turned out that her friends were slightly balding 40-something males hankering for some young american studs. unfortunately, monesplye fit this description and had to flee the club within nanoseconds (not the last time this will happen, keep reading...)
last night got kinda loopy. we went to the market square and hit an array of clubs throughout the night. we started at this place where these promoters, ala jason levine, were standing outside handing out tickets or some shit that we took and just waltzed straight into the club with. i felt like burt reynolds or something. we went to order drinks at this place, and in front of us at the bar was this baller english dude who slightly resembled a member of the weasley family (another harry potter reference, my bad, but def necessary). he was a baller because not only did he hold two beers in his front jean pockets because of the amount of dranks he bought, but also becuase he was buying numerous bottles of expensive champagne. to top it off, JAGERBOMBS. sounds like my kinda guy. we left that bar after a drink or two and set off for one of our favorite destinations, the cien club. we got there only to be told by bitchy girls that it was for members only. when she said that, i held out my arm as if i were showing her that i had a members mark on my hand. she simply scoffed and let in 3 unpopular dudes dressed like the jonas brothers. we went to a few other places and then mones found these two girls that took us from one club to another. as gentlemenly as monesplye is, we bought them drinks and grinddanced with them for a good hour or so. the girl mones was dancing with was one of the hottest dancers ive ever seen. the girl i was dancing with was alright, at least she grinded which we thought was just a myth in these parts. as that came to an end, we went outside the club and these 3 polish dudes came up to us, one of them trying to bet mones that he was from the dirty jerz. he then suddenly whipped out a new jersey license very quickly, kind of covering the picture and started doing a stupid gypsy victory dance. we are pretty sure the license belonged to someone this guy raped and killed a few months back, but who knows. showing the solid judgement that monesplye possesses, we got in a cab with these guys to last open bar in krakow, or so they said. i dont really get what they were talking about because there were still many places open in the main square. i got kinda nervous and thought that i would not be around to write this blog today. when we got out of the cab, thankfully in front of a public place, we went up into a club that gave monesplye the eerie chills of deja vu. something didnt feel right about this place and it turned out to be the very same, very gay bar that those broads from work took us to. we quickly "had to use the bathroom" and got out of that place as fast as we could. the club is called Kitsch, just in case you were wondering jesse...
thats it for now. i wanted to give another very special shout out to katie desimone. using her cunning wits and einstein-like brain power, she noticed that i said mexican pan flute bands in my last post when i should have said PERUVIAN pan flute bands. i apologize to all of my readers and especially katie, without her this blog would be a complete disaster.
-splye-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai
Thursday, June 4, 2009
God? It's me, Poland...
Intanet:
What's up? How's America? I'm still in Krakow, MoneSplye has been chilling. The weather here has been decidedly miserable. Not only is it raining a lot, but it gets very cold at night. Time is really blowing by here, I can't believe it's almost been two weeks already. Work at the Alf Klub seems to have reached a plateau. All we do is chill with them while they play computer games, making jokes and shit. That's interspersed with games of pik up stiks, making clay animals, and running around playing crude forms of soccer, rugby and basketball. We just hang out with kids all day, and they are really starting to like us. Some of the kids are still bat shit crazy, I know I already told you that the kids fight a lot, but you have to see it to believe it. It's like a dumbed down version of Mortal Kombat sometimes, today I even saw one kid push one down the stairs, they started laughing and I just said, "FINISH HIM." But they didn't do shit. I have a few favorite kids. One of them is named Damien (dom-ee-en) who is basically the ringleader of the online gamers who has the highest level in Tibia. He always goes to their computers and helps them beat levels and shit. He also knows a fair amount of English, so he teaches me words like "green" "sink" and "vacuum." He doesnt really give a shit about me teaching him english, which kind of makes him a fucking boss. He's only 11, but he reminds me of Stringer Bell. I also like this kid named Adam, Splye says he reminds him a lot of me. I'm not sure why, cuz this kid is the originator of the "laugh instead of crying" phenomenon, but he really does his thing. He ate an entire bowl of nutella, some on graham crackers and some on his fingers, and then begged me for more. He does weird shit, like walk around in circles around this plastic fence, but MoneSplye thinks its hilarious. He's in the vid below. My favorite girl is this girl named Angelina--she does this ill robot dance that will definitely have her makin dough in the main square if she doesn't make it past fourth grade.
On the counselor front nothing much has changed. There's this older woman who runs the show when the main guy isn't there. She's wears the same "Rollerblade USA" t shirt every day, and is about 4 and a half feet tall. I hate her. She always grabs me by the wrist and leads me to do her bidding, which is either moving furniture for no apparent reason or getting things from high places. She just yells at me in Polish, fully aware that I don't speak a single word. Still no sign of the hot blonde volunteer, chance she is a myth: %95.4. The Georgian dude is being the man, no videochats today.
Last night I went out with Sanjay and his bro who's in town visiting, but Splye stayed in cuz he got a stomach virus from eating the pork, chicken and dirt "hamburgers" we had for lunch at the Alf Klub. Sanjay's bro, who's built like Don Nelson but has the personality of Teddy KGB from Rounders, is the man. I like him for two reasons: 1. He says funny shit. Ex: One of the first things he says to me, "Hey, you ever been to Hungary? No? You gotta go man, the abortion rate is like 70%! Girls are loose!" 2. He has an endless determination to get tail. As soon as he gets turned down he literally asks the next girl he sees if they want a drink. I literally asked him what some broad said to him right after she turned her back and he goes, "what girl?" ballin. I had a fun night--I got back when the sun came up and I discarded my button down in the main square. Definitely a stupid decision, I only did it cuz there was a stain on my sleeve--it seemed logical at the time. Clubs aren't usually my scene, especially since there is no grind dancing here (sorry Brandon) but there is a lot of fun dancing! The dancers here are pretty legit, especially when it comes to salsa and shit. Anyway, I'm tired as hell so we are prob just going to grab some food and post up.
enjoy the vid, that's the kid adam i was talking about. He just said that all by himself after I asked him who throws down the hardest at Vanderbilt...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
To Rain or not To Rain
well it turns out that it rains everyday in krakow. even when you wake up and there is not a cloud in the sky, you can never rule out the chance of rain. it also happens to start raining at the exact time that monesplye makes its commute home from work, just for giggles. my theory on why it rains all the time is that the gypsys want to rub it in our faces that they have adapted and no longer melt from the rain. we got it gypsys, let it go.
monesplye awoke this morning with quite the hangover. last night was an experience because sanjays older bro, the 28 year old plastic surgeon, hit the town with us. it was kinda like going out with hitch, minus the solid advice on how to get girls. but this dude def liked to get down and monesplye kinda digged his vibes. before we met up with the brothers bhatt, we treated ourselves to two bottles of wine during a very delcious dinner, complimentary with an adorably hot waitress that we wanted to chill with. she just had that extra something that we couldnt put our fingers on but def intrigued us. not even two bottles of wine gave monesplye the liquid courage to say something to her and the only thing i really did was turn at the door on the way out and shot her a slutty wave goodbye. she totally responded, it was awesome.
yesterday we went with the kids from the alf club on a field trip to the market square. since the kids do not actually have to do anything, only 4 went (there were 6 adults). so we went to this thing that someone said was the day of the children, but all it consisted of was three basic things:
1. young girls dancing on stage to "will you be there"by michael jackson.
2. a fat smelly old dude dressed as the virgin-eating dragon (great for young kids i guess) who had a full suit on but nothing covering his face. he looked as if he either wanted to eat the kids or rape them, i couldnt really tell.
3. policeman showing the kids an array of guns and letting 4 year olds hold semi-automatic rifles. we got pics. apparently they were going to follow the dancing girls with a seminar on how to fight terrorists or something-welcome to the day of children, krakow style.
we got to leave that weirdness early and we went to a really trendy cafe in the market square. i got pancakes with bananas and chocolate which were really good. it turns out, even being in a trendy, higher-class place, old gypsy women still find ways to get through the protective barriers and get inside and bother us. its really quite annoying and i do not get why this happens all the time. i guess the regular poles have learned to live with it.
the market square is a really cool place and i do not think a written description could really do it justice. it is the kind of place where there are alot of street performers. there are always guys playing guitars and it seems like the only songs these people know are bob marley songs. it was really funny, one day we were walking there, and on the way along the river, there were various mexican pan flute bands every 100 ft or so, just like south park depicted it. for you south parkers out there, you would have greatly appreciated it.
one thing that kind of annoys me about krakow is that there are giant billboards with faces of like government officials and news anchors everywhere (i think thats what they are but i do not honestly know, i cant read shit). nonetheless, the people on these billboards do not have the faces to be there. they are all weird looking and give me the heebie jeebies when i walk by. there is one dude with glasses who looks at you with a glare that could only mean one thing, he represents the gypsy uprising and he wants to disperse my limbs to his voters.
i wanted to give a very special shout out to the mickey spillanes softball team. this is our season. i know we have a bye today but it is so sick that the season started and i cannot wait to return to america and win some freakin ball games with you guys.
-spenceblye
p.s. i want to thank mel green for her love and support. it is because of people like her that we write this blog. we want to let you all in on our adventures, and you are what makes this work.
monesplye awoke this morning with quite the hangover. last night was an experience because sanjays older bro, the 28 year old plastic surgeon, hit the town with us. it was kinda like going out with hitch, minus the solid advice on how to get girls. but this dude def liked to get down and monesplye kinda digged his vibes. before we met up with the brothers bhatt, we treated ourselves to two bottles of wine during a very delcious dinner, complimentary with an adorably hot waitress that we wanted to chill with. she just had that extra something that we couldnt put our fingers on but def intrigued us. not even two bottles of wine gave monesplye the liquid courage to say something to her and the only thing i really did was turn at the door on the way out and shot her a slutty wave goodbye. she totally responded, it was awesome.
yesterday we went with the kids from the alf club on a field trip to the market square. since the kids do not actually have to do anything, only 4 went (there were 6 adults). so we went to this thing that someone said was the day of the children, but all it consisted of was three basic things:
1. young girls dancing on stage to "will you be there"by michael jackson.
2. a fat smelly old dude dressed as the virgin-eating dragon (great for young kids i guess) who had a full suit on but nothing covering his face. he looked as if he either wanted to eat the kids or rape them, i couldnt really tell.
3. policeman showing the kids an array of guns and letting 4 year olds hold semi-automatic rifles. we got pics. apparently they were going to follow the dancing girls with a seminar on how to fight terrorists or something-welcome to the day of children, krakow style.
we got to leave that weirdness early and we went to a really trendy cafe in the market square. i got pancakes with bananas and chocolate which were really good. it turns out, even being in a trendy, higher-class place, old gypsy women still find ways to get through the protective barriers and get inside and bother us. its really quite annoying and i do not get why this happens all the time. i guess the regular poles have learned to live with it.
the market square is a really cool place and i do not think a written description could really do it justice. it is the kind of place where there are alot of street performers. there are always guys playing guitars and it seems like the only songs these people know are bob marley songs. it was really funny, one day we were walking there, and on the way along the river, there were various mexican pan flute bands every 100 ft or so, just like south park depicted it. for you south parkers out there, you would have greatly appreciated it.
one thing that kind of annoys me about krakow is that there are giant billboards with faces of like government officials and news anchors everywhere (i think thats what they are but i do not honestly know, i cant read shit). nonetheless, the people on these billboards do not have the faces to be there. they are all weird looking and give me the heebie jeebies when i walk by. there is one dude with glasses who looks at you with a glare that could only mean one thing, he represents the gypsy uprising and he wants to disperse my limbs to his voters.
i wanted to give a very special shout out to the mickey spillanes softball team. this is our season. i know we have a bye today but it is so sick that the season started and i cannot wait to return to america and win some freakin ball games with you guys.
-spenceblye
p.s. i want to thank mel green for her love and support. it is because of people like her that we write this blog. we want to let you all in on our adventures, and you are what makes this work.
Monday, June 1, 2009
A Week In...
Before we get into todays post...we gotta take care of a few housekeeping issues. It seems that to my right, the polls have closed. Our loyal supporters have voted that MoneSplye is most likely to commit a nonviolent crime while abroad. While this already did almost happen once (story not appropriate for work), MoneSplye is ashamed of our readers! We are law abiding citizens who not only love America, but respect the international community as well. I'll put up a new poll shortly. The second housekeeping thing: I just wanted to thank you guys for the positive response that we've gotten from this blog. Many of you have either expressed interest in the blog or thrown us a witty comment about it (what up julianne!). Anyway, keep reading as the days go on, Europe is only getting more interesting as your job gets more boring...
After a week, we've definitely done a lot of shit. Instead of going out one night, we decided to hit the movies. We saw "State of Play" with Ben Affleck and Russell Crowe, which was ok. It was in English with polish subtitles. Weirdly enough, they don't put butter on the popcorn here. I got KFC before the movie (the theater was in a mall), and the people eating there acted like it was a delicacy. They didn't have popcorn chicken--wack. This weekend was pretty low key, we went to a pretty sick restaraunt last night that I would recommend to anyone who goes to Krakow. It's called CK Browbar, it's underground (like everything else here) and they serve a great beer in those cylindrical taps that hold something like 5 liters. When the woman asked us what we wanted she said "ok two beers and what else" before I said shit--my type of lady. Anyway, I got roast duck with apples in a honey ginger sauce with fried potatoes and red cabbage salad....for 9 dollars. I'm still blown away by how cheap shit is here. We chillin' in the hostel now before we go back to that 90 cent beer place.
I thought I would give you guys a little insight on the people who work with us and the kids who we supervise at AlfKlub. Starting with the kids: Weirdly enough, it seems that none of the kids who are at AlfKlub feel any pain whatsoever. They beat the shit out of eachother all day. I'm not talking about like light punching and wrestling. They slap eachother in the face and punch eachother in the back of the head, slamming one another into walls. The weirdest part is, they all laugh hysterically when they get hit and hit eachother. Today, these kids were playing this game where one of them held his mouth open and the other one rocketed a foam ball at the kids teeth. Everytime the kid got nailed he would like grab his teeth, look like he's about to cry, then burst out laughing. What the fuck? None of the other counselors discourage this behavior, so MoneSplye just chills and takes it all in. I'm convinced that some wires got crossed when these kids were born, and instead of crying they laugh. The only time I saw someone cry was during one of our Rugby games. One of the fat kids was chasing down one of the smaller kids and jumped on his back, in the confusion, this girl somehow got sandwiched between them. They hit the ground (which is hard dirt) and the girl just didnt move. She laid still for easily a minute, sat up, shed two tears and then sat in the shade. Weird. The kids also all have cellphones! I'm not talking about the type of phones that this guy used in my favorite show, I'm talking about legit, camera having, music playing, flip motherfucking cellphones. I thought these kids were poor gypsies--whatever.
On to the counselors. As you guys know, we slept at the house of two of the girls we work with a few nights ago. These are the only people who speak English besides us on the entire staff. These girls are friendly, but they seem pretty disappointed with life and have a negative view of Americans. They aren't fun to hang out with and are vegetarians, seemingly not understanding the concept of sarcasm. We joked that we were going to leave this kid behind on the bus, one of the girls looked at us and said "that is not nice! you are mean!" and went to go warn the kid. There's two other dudes, both named Miho. They are both Polish and not that funny or interesting, so blogging about them is fruitless. The funniest guy we work with is this dude from Georgia (not the state, as he said), who's name is Araqli or some shit. MoneSplye calls him Arachnid, which is the closest we could get. He speaks maybe 8-11 words of English and never talks to us, but is hilarious to observe. He sits at his computer all day with headphones that look like an air traffic controller, video chatting these mysterious people all day. When he's not videochatting old women or watching videos of people doing funny dances, he's reading shit online in Georgian. While the rest of the counselors are supposed to help the kids with their various bullshit, he just sits there all day staring at the comp, 8 hours straight. He went to school for "political" and lacks a number of basic skills: 1. He does not know how to boil water...seriously 2. He doesn't know how to do dishes 3. He doesn't know how to use a wrench, screwdriver, bolts or nuts (we know this because MoneSplye spent four hours making Ikea furniture with him). He is also a huge mysoginist. I guess in Georgia it is "woman responsibility" to do the dishes, mop the floors, etc. All the counselors have to pitch in to do that shit to keep the place clean, but he always refuses. Also, one of the girls told us that they went out with him once. Some girl danced with him and then tried to walk away after the song was over, but he grabbed her by the neck and wouldn't let her leave. Ballin! There's also this mysterious hot blonde chick who is supposed to be working with us, who the Georgian guy loves, but we have yet to see her. We are 90% sure she is a myth.
Anyway, here are some pictures of us...
top to bottom is MoneSplye at the Wawel Castle, a major tourist spot. Next is Splye in the salt mines, see previous post for an explanation (those are real saltminers). The last one is me looking thuggish, posing with the jelly before we handed it out to the poor folks. Enjoy, see you fools in a few days. GO LAKERS!
After a week, we've definitely done a lot of shit. Instead of going out one night, we decided to hit the movies. We saw "State of Play" with Ben Affleck and Russell Crowe, which was ok. It was in English with polish subtitles. Weirdly enough, they don't put butter on the popcorn here. I got KFC before the movie (the theater was in a mall), and the people eating there acted like it was a delicacy. They didn't have popcorn chicken--wack. This weekend was pretty low key, we went to a pretty sick restaraunt last night that I would recommend to anyone who goes to Krakow. It's called CK Browbar, it's underground (like everything else here) and they serve a great beer in those cylindrical taps that hold something like 5 liters. When the woman asked us what we wanted she said "ok two beers and what else" before I said shit--my type of lady. Anyway, I got roast duck with apples in a honey ginger sauce with fried potatoes and red cabbage salad....for 9 dollars. I'm still blown away by how cheap shit is here. We chillin' in the hostel now before we go back to that 90 cent beer place.
I thought I would give you guys a little insight on the people who work with us and the kids who we supervise at AlfKlub. Starting with the kids: Weirdly enough, it seems that none of the kids who are at AlfKlub feel any pain whatsoever. They beat the shit out of eachother all day. I'm not talking about like light punching and wrestling. They slap eachother in the face and punch eachother in the back of the head, slamming one another into walls. The weirdest part is, they all laugh hysterically when they get hit and hit eachother. Today, these kids were playing this game where one of them held his mouth open and the other one rocketed a foam ball at the kids teeth. Everytime the kid got nailed he would like grab his teeth, look like he's about to cry, then burst out laughing. What the fuck? None of the other counselors discourage this behavior, so MoneSplye just chills and takes it all in. I'm convinced that some wires got crossed when these kids were born, and instead of crying they laugh. The only time I saw someone cry was during one of our Rugby games. One of the fat kids was chasing down one of the smaller kids and jumped on his back, in the confusion, this girl somehow got sandwiched between them. They hit the ground (which is hard dirt) and the girl just didnt move. She laid still for easily a minute, sat up, shed two tears and then sat in the shade. Weird. The kids also all have cellphones! I'm not talking about the type of phones that this guy used in my favorite show, I'm talking about legit, camera having, music playing, flip motherfucking cellphones. I thought these kids were poor gypsies--whatever.
On to the counselors. As you guys know, we slept at the house of two of the girls we work with a few nights ago. These are the only people who speak English besides us on the entire staff. These girls are friendly, but they seem pretty disappointed with life and have a negative view of Americans. They aren't fun to hang out with and are vegetarians, seemingly not understanding the concept of sarcasm. We joked that we were going to leave this kid behind on the bus, one of the girls looked at us and said "that is not nice! you are mean!" and went to go warn the kid. There's two other dudes, both named Miho. They are both Polish and not that funny or interesting, so blogging about them is fruitless. The funniest guy we work with is this dude from Georgia (not the state, as he said), who's name is Araqli or some shit. MoneSplye calls him Arachnid, which is the closest we could get. He speaks maybe 8-11 words of English and never talks to us, but is hilarious to observe. He sits at his computer all day with headphones that look like an air traffic controller, video chatting these mysterious people all day. When he's not videochatting old women or watching videos of people doing funny dances, he's reading shit online in Georgian. While the rest of the counselors are supposed to help the kids with their various bullshit, he just sits there all day staring at the comp, 8 hours straight. He went to school for "political" and lacks a number of basic skills: 1. He does not know how to boil water...seriously 2. He doesn't know how to do dishes 3. He doesn't know how to use a wrench, screwdriver, bolts or nuts (we know this because MoneSplye spent four hours making Ikea furniture with him). He is also a huge mysoginist. I guess in Georgia it is "woman responsibility" to do the dishes, mop the floors, etc. All the counselors have to pitch in to do that shit to keep the place clean, but he always refuses. Also, one of the girls told us that they went out with him once. Some girl danced with him and then tried to walk away after the song was over, but he grabbed her by the neck and wouldn't let her leave. Ballin! There's also this mysterious hot blonde chick who is supposed to be working with us, who the Georgian guy loves, but we have yet to see her. We are 90% sure she is a myth.
Anyway, here are some pictures of us...
top to bottom is MoneSplye at the Wawel Castle, a major tourist spot. Next is Splye in the salt mines, see previous post for an explanation (those are real saltminers). The last one is me looking thuggish, posing with the jelly before we handed it out to the poor folks. Enjoy, see you fools in a few days. GO LAKERS!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Survivor: Krakow
today was a long day. we went with a few people from our program to these salt mines outside of krakow. the salt mines were basically just like underground caves where people used to and still mine salt. we went down like 100 flights of stairs to go to these caves and it kinda felt like the movie, journey to the center of the earth, but without brendan frasiers' hilarious witty asides. bummer. we thought it was gonna be tight but it wasnt that great. we had a tour guide who spoke in english but she kinda weirded me out cause she had the same hairstyle as david bowie circa 1981. and she also sounded like a polish robot with a really eerie tone. so monesplye just kicked it in the caboose of the tour with a tiny asian family. because i was too far away to hear the guide, i created my own tour in my head. it went something like this:
these mines used to be the ancient gypsy kingdom of gypsytania (JIP-SEE-TAY-NEE-A). gypsys kept to their own down there until WalMart decided to buy the mines for 3 dollars (equivalent to 3 trillion in gypsy currency) and turned it into a money-making tourism spot.
a few nights ago we went out with some people from work and as ben mentioned in his previous post, the place we were at turned out to be a gay bar/club. one of these girls had friends from germany there and we were chillen with them for a while. i was talking to this hot german girl named hannah and she told me that she lived in lexington, kentucky for a year and has been to GATLINBERG. how absurd is that? literally the last place on earth i would have expected her to say. she was being a tease the whole night, especially on the dance floor, but as the night came to a close i noticed that her and her other german friend were closer than the average BFFAEAE's. i think it was the way they snuggled on the couch, passionately sharing a cigarette and embracing each other to the fullest that made me realize that they were lezzing out.
this was the night that we were staying with the people from work so my bag was at the hostel and the only clothes i had were plaid shorts, a city sports t-shirt, vandy sweatshirt and sneakers. i looked like the biggest idiot at this place. just imagine me sitting and dancing at this pretty gay bar in that attire. the freakin bouncers made me lift up my sweatshirt when i got in because he mustve thought i was packing heat under my vandy hoodie. as you could guess, no gays hit on me :(
right before we left, a friend of the girls we worked with (who happened to be blacked out) sat next to me on a couch and told me to take advantage of being an american in poland as long as i didnt hurt anyone. i have no fucking clue what this broad was talking about. did i really look threatening in my t-shirt and plaid shorts? she then rambled on about her fiance and how she was in love with him but questioned his sexual selection and violence. i just sat there and nodded my head cause i had no idea what was going on.
work is still really fun. i thoroughly enjoy hanging out with these kids. they are funny and really friendly and even though we dont speak the same language, it still really feels like we are making a strong connection with them. monesplye feels positive about the experience. i like chillen in the art room with some of the girls and making clay animals. its like sex and the city meets the babysitters club meets daddy day care. we just like sit and like gossip about the boys.
i will leave you with another observation i have made here. it seems to be that in krakow and many other places in europe i imagine that people say the best food can be found in these hole in the wall places that look like prison dining halls. the food is good but that is the exact opposite as the united states, or at least nyc. those places in nyc probly serve rat meat instead of chicken. so im going to stay positive and not think the same applies here.
until next time bloggers. you stay classy.
-stb
these mines used to be the ancient gypsy kingdom of gypsytania (JIP-SEE-TAY-NEE-A). gypsys kept to their own down there until WalMart decided to buy the mines for 3 dollars (equivalent to 3 trillion in gypsy currency) and turned it into a money-making tourism spot.
a few nights ago we went out with some people from work and as ben mentioned in his previous post, the place we were at turned out to be a gay bar/club. one of these girls had friends from germany there and we were chillen with them for a while. i was talking to this hot german girl named hannah and she told me that she lived in lexington, kentucky for a year and has been to GATLINBERG. how absurd is that? literally the last place on earth i would have expected her to say. she was being a tease the whole night, especially on the dance floor, but as the night came to a close i noticed that her and her other german friend were closer than the average BFFAEAE's. i think it was the way they snuggled on the couch, passionately sharing a cigarette and embracing each other to the fullest that made me realize that they were lezzing out.
this was the night that we were staying with the people from work so my bag was at the hostel and the only clothes i had were plaid shorts, a city sports t-shirt, vandy sweatshirt and sneakers. i looked like the biggest idiot at this place. just imagine me sitting and dancing at this pretty gay bar in that attire. the freakin bouncers made me lift up my sweatshirt when i got in because he mustve thought i was packing heat under my vandy hoodie. as you could guess, no gays hit on me :(
right before we left, a friend of the girls we worked with (who happened to be blacked out) sat next to me on a couch and told me to take advantage of being an american in poland as long as i didnt hurt anyone. i have no fucking clue what this broad was talking about. did i really look threatening in my t-shirt and plaid shorts? she then rambled on about her fiance and how she was in love with him but questioned his sexual selection and violence. i just sat there and nodded my head cause i had no idea what was going on.
work is still really fun. i thoroughly enjoy hanging out with these kids. they are funny and really friendly and even though we dont speak the same language, it still really feels like we are making a strong connection with them. monesplye feels positive about the experience. i like chillen in the art room with some of the girls and making clay animals. its like sex and the city meets the babysitters club meets daddy day care. we just like sit and like gossip about the boys.
i will leave you with another observation i have made here. it seems to be that in krakow and many other places in europe i imagine that people say the best food can be found in these hole in the wall places that look like prison dining halls. the food is good but that is the exact opposite as the united states, or at least nyc. those places in nyc probly serve rat meat instead of chicken. so im going to stay positive and not think the same applies here.
until next time bloggers. you stay classy.
-stb
Friday, May 29, 2009
The First Weekend Begins...
Right now I'm lying in my bed at the hostel drinking a Mirinda (orange soda) and vodka out of a glass coffee cup. We just finished dinner at this weird polish place and now we are just challen before we hit the town. MoneSplye has been in Krakow for about a week, and it has been BALLIN to say the least. The bars here are very ridiculous, it's like there's a different one every where you look. A lot of the bars are underground, so there are these weird cavernous passageways and all the rooms are candle lit. Every bar tries to put a different spin on being underground, whether it's with the music or funky decor. Anyway, what we been doing for the last few days:
On thursday we ended up going back to our youth center at night and handing out food to a bunch of poor people. We gave out a lot of jelly, I don't really know why. After that, as Splye noted in the previous post, we went to go stay with these girls who we work with, one from Finland and one from Latvia. So it was MoneSplye and Sanjay heading to these girls apartment after work. We met their roommates, Polish hicks who were studying in the city "at university." We spent the majority of our time sitting around this rickety table teaching them English slang. Their favorite words were "chilling" "tight" and "sick." They ate that shit up, laughing like Sean Penn in "I Am Sam." Then the night got weird.... So we end up going to this bar with these girls, and it seemed a little weird. The entire time one of the girls kept saying that Spencer was "serious" and "scary." I've never heard someone describe SP as scary, I think they might have just not known what that meant. Anyway, we get dragged to the dance floor to dance to terrible 80s music, mixed with some good Michael Jackson. Suddenly, something seems weird to me. I can't put my finger on it. It's kind of like that feeling when you walk in a room, and something smells bad, but not bad enough that you can say something about it, especially because it could be someone around you. Instead, you just wonder to yourself, and when you figure it out, you might be inclined to say something. So I stopped dancing, and sat down on this red velvet couch to observe. To my right, there are these two guys dancing on a stage that has a pole in the center. One of them is jumping up and down like a horse and the other one is doing something that resembles throwing a lasso. In front of me, these shoeless whores wearing what look like panchos are stomping around and waving their arms in a wild fashion. On the couch to my left, there are these two relatively attractive girls with their arms around eachother, sharing a cig in a really weird way. oh. my. god. It hit me. We were in a gay bar! So I asked the girl, "is this a gay bar" and she simply said, "yes, all six levels of this bar are gay." MoneSplye had never been to a gay bar before, but hey, we're in europe.
So the night ended with us sleeping on the floor of these girls room. This crazy cat kept leaping all over us, but I threw some of my gypsy dust on it. Initially, the girl asked us to sleep with the light on, and then MoneSplye said something to the effect of "this isn't the underground railroad" and then she eventually came to her senses. I slept pretty well, considering it was on the floor.
Anyway, the last funny thing that happened was this morning. So we were on the bus to work and then this crazy lady stands up and starts screaming at the bus. When I say yelling I mean it sounded like she was hacking up a loogie, throwing up and screaming at the top of her lungs at the same time. She has to be like 75 and she's carrying around a jar of booze. Yes, a jar of booze. At 10am. I think it was a mix of red wine, bleach, dirt, crushed Claritin and red pepper from the way this crazy old slut smelled. She took an empty bag of potato chips from this little kid and stuffed it in her bag. MoneSplye thought that was the final ingredient she needed for her special human stew. Anyway, she comes up to us and starts yelling at our Indian roommate, saying god knows what. She kept bumping into splye, which was hilarious because of how disgusted he looked. Suddenly, she grabbed Splye by the wrist and thrust a finger in his face and started screaming at him. At that point I grabbed my blackberry out of my pocket and knocked the bitch in the back of the head. She crumpled to the floor, in a pool of her own blood as her jar of booze exploded on the floor. The whole bus started to cheer! They patted Splye on the back and they all pitched in to give me the equivalent of $82 american. I felt like a god.
just kidding about the hitting the bitch in the head part, we got off the bus before she could assault us further.
oh yeah, some kid told me that his only dream was to go to the US and see the statue of liberty. then he said that he would never go because it would take 4 months of his parents wages to pay for the flight alone. it def struck a chord with MoneSplye, certainly quite humbling. we'll hit you up in a few days, wish us luck tonight!!
love,
Benjamin
On thursday we ended up going back to our youth center at night and handing out food to a bunch of poor people. We gave out a lot of jelly, I don't really know why. After that, as Splye noted in the previous post, we went to go stay with these girls who we work with, one from Finland and one from Latvia. So it was MoneSplye and Sanjay heading to these girls apartment after work. We met their roommates, Polish hicks who were studying in the city "at university." We spent the majority of our time sitting around this rickety table teaching them English slang. Their favorite words were "chilling" "tight" and "sick." They ate that shit up, laughing like Sean Penn in "I Am Sam." Then the night got weird.... So we end up going to this bar with these girls, and it seemed a little weird. The entire time one of the girls kept saying that Spencer was "serious" and "scary." I've never heard someone describe SP as scary, I think they might have just not known what that meant. Anyway, we get dragged to the dance floor to dance to terrible 80s music, mixed with some good Michael Jackson. Suddenly, something seems weird to me. I can't put my finger on it. It's kind of like that feeling when you walk in a room, and something smells bad, but not bad enough that you can say something about it, especially because it could be someone around you. Instead, you just wonder to yourself, and when you figure it out, you might be inclined to say something. So I stopped dancing, and sat down on this red velvet couch to observe. To my right, there are these two guys dancing on a stage that has a pole in the center. One of them is jumping up and down like a horse and the other one is doing something that resembles throwing a lasso. In front of me, these shoeless whores wearing what look like panchos are stomping around and waving their arms in a wild fashion. On the couch to my left, there are these two relatively attractive girls with their arms around eachother, sharing a cig in a really weird way. oh. my. god. It hit me. We were in a gay bar! So I asked the girl, "is this a gay bar" and she simply said, "yes, all six levels of this bar are gay." MoneSplye had never been to a gay bar before, but hey, we're in europe.
So the night ended with us sleeping on the floor of these girls room. This crazy cat kept leaping all over us, but I threw some of my gypsy dust on it. Initially, the girl asked us to sleep with the light on, and then MoneSplye said something to the effect of "this isn't the underground railroad" and then she eventually came to her senses. I slept pretty well, considering it was on the floor.
Anyway, the last funny thing that happened was this morning. So we were on the bus to work and then this crazy lady stands up and starts screaming at the bus. When I say yelling I mean it sounded like she was hacking up a loogie, throwing up and screaming at the top of her lungs at the same time. She has to be like 75 and she's carrying around a jar of booze. Yes, a jar of booze. At 10am. I think it was a mix of red wine, bleach, dirt, crushed Claritin and red pepper from the way this crazy old slut smelled. She took an empty bag of potato chips from this little kid and stuffed it in her bag. MoneSplye thought that was the final ingredient she needed for her special human stew. Anyway, she comes up to us and starts yelling at our Indian roommate, saying god knows what. She kept bumping into splye, which was hilarious because of how disgusted he looked. Suddenly, she grabbed Splye by the wrist and thrust a finger in his face and started screaming at him. At that point I grabbed my blackberry out of my pocket and knocked the bitch in the back of the head. She crumpled to the floor, in a pool of her own blood as her jar of booze exploded on the floor. The whole bus started to cheer! They patted Splye on the back and they all pitched in to give me the equivalent of $82 american. I felt like a god.
just kidding about the hitting the bitch in the head part, we got off the bus before she could assault us further.
oh yeah, some kid told me that his only dream was to go to the US and see the statue of liberty. then he said that he would never go because it would take 4 months of his parents wages to pay for the flight alone. it def struck a chord with MoneSplye, certainly quite humbling. we'll hit you up in a few days, wish us luck tonight!!
love,
Benjamin
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Quiet Before the Storm
it rained here yesterday. SPOILER ALERT: contrary to popular beliefs, gypsys do not melt in the rain. its like they adapted to our climate and are taking the characteristics of human beings. spooky!
last night was an extremely fun night. we went to this bar/club which was really trendy and fun. throughout my nights here ive noticed 2 major differences between european men and american men:
1. if you can dance really well here, you are the man and will most likely grind-dance with a plethora of hot chicks all night long. in the states, if you can shake it, people probly think your gay.
2. dudes here with bob marley hair that is nappy and long get hot dames. american dudes with that hair are thought of as dirty and smelly hippies by most females.
there were these two girls at the club last night dressed extremely sluttily and were unreal dancers. the way these girls shaked their hips was fantastic. it was as if they were functioning as two seperate halfs: the bottom half wiggling around in a glorious way and the top half just like looking smokin hot and seductive. it seemed like these two girls worked for the club and just got dudes excited to dance and they would leave them in the dust. ben begged to differ but i bet he thinks strippers like him too.
there were these girls we were kinda dancing with that kind of asked us to come back to chill at their spot. one of the three refused cause "she had a boyfriend". i think it turned out to be better for us because i usually do not enjoy waking up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidney missing. but that might just be me.
as our first week is slowly but surely coming to an end, i have begun to miss many things about america. i miss watching the mets, i miss understanding at least 2.54% of the things that are going on and said around me, i miss driving and not taking a loopy tram systems to get anywhere, and i miss not being stressed out when ordering food at a restaurant.
we were kicked out of our hostel for tonight because it was overbooked so we are staying with these two girls we work with. i think that i can trust them but you can never be too sure if you will see the sunrise when sleeping on the couch of finnish and latvian chicas (although the sunrise does occur at 430 am which is nuts).
thats it for now. i guess ill see ya when i see ya.
peace, love & gap
-splyderman
last night was an extremely fun night. we went to this bar/club which was really trendy and fun. throughout my nights here ive noticed 2 major differences between european men and american men:
1. if you can dance really well here, you are the man and will most likely grind-dance with a plethora of hot chicks all night long. in the states, if you can shake it, people probly think your gay.
2. dudes here with bob marley hair that is nappy and long get hot dames. american dudes with that hair are thought of as dirty and smelly hippies by most females.
there were these two girls at the club last night dressed extremely sluttily and were unreal dancers. the way these girls shaked their hips was fantastic. it was as if they were functioning as two seperate halfs: the bottom half wiggling around in a glorious way and the top half just like looking smokin hot and seductive. it seemed like these two girls worked for the club and just got dudes excited to dance and they would leave them in the dust. ben begged to differ but i bet he thinks strippers like him too.
there were these girls we were kinda dancing with that kind of asked us to come back to chill at their spot. one of the three refused cause "she had a boyfriend". i think it turned out to be better for us because i usually do not enjoy waking up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidney missing. but that might just be me.
as our first week is slowly but surely coming to an end, i have begun to miss many things about america. i miss watching the mets, i miss understanding at least 2.54% of the things that are going on and said around me, i miss driving and not taking a loopy tram systems to get anywhere, and i miss not being stressed out when ordering food at a restaurant.
we were kicked out of our hostel for tonight because it was overbooked so we are staying with these two girls we work with. i think that i can trust them but you can never be too sure if you will see the sunrise when sleeping on the couch of finnish and latvian chicas (although the sunrise does occur at 430 am which is nuts).
thats it for now. i guess ill see ya when i see ya.
peace, love & gap
-splyderman
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Day 4: It's Quiet, Too Quiet
Amigos:
Today was the second day of working with the kids. So far, shit has been very chill and interesting. As Splye noted, we are working outside of Krakow at this youth club for at risk chidrenz. As soon as you get a half mile outside of Krakow, the scenery completely changes. Krakow is essentially a medieval city with a bunch of old, pastel buildings that are bunched up on half asphalt half cobblestone streets. Yet as soon as you leave the city limits, low lying buildings and churches turn into rolling hills, marshes and open pasture. It's very green there, a lot like the American Northwest. There are a few houses here and there, but by and large it's just farmland.
The kids that we are working with are pretty fucking hilarious. Our job is essentially to show these kids what the rest of the world is like. Because they are generally poor, most of them will apparently never leave an area within five square miles of the place they were born. Definitely weird to think about when I just travelled like 7,000 miles--I'm a lucky SOB. None the less, the kids are high spirited. The philosophy of the youth center is to let them basically do whatever they want, as long as they're not blowing lines, beating their wives, drinking antifreeze, etc. It makes sense, these kids don't want to be regulated with an orderly schedule, it makes them feel like they're in school. Like SP said, they spend most of their time playing this weird online game called Tibia. The best way I can describe it is a mix of Zelda and Oregon Trail, vs other people. I tried to explain that the Tibia is a bone in your leg, but the kids just kept saying "ladybomb" or some shit back to me in Polish. None of them speak English, and the few that do can only say shit like, "I like a sport, you american, I am grandpa." So basically, I have a license to say whatever I want to them, because frankly, they cant understand me. Today, one of the bully kids pulled my chair out from under me when I sat down. I got punked, and since I'm ultra competitive and fairly childish, I told him that I could steal his lunch money and throw him down a well and he wouldn't be able to get me because I would simply go back to the US and they would not extradite me. He smiled and high fived me. USA 1, Gypsy Polak 0.
The kids are great though, they love us. We shoot the shit with them all day, barely understanding each other but we are def communicating in a weird way. We also play this crude form of Rugby, where MoneSplye basically runs down a field with a small football, tossing it back and forth while these little polaks try to tackle us. It's tight cuz they make me feel like Godzilla, reigning down a fiery terror of athletic dominance. I learned that the ball fake is strictly an American phenomenon--more on this later. Some of them are stupidly athletic--as SP said there's this one kid who we call Ocho Cinco who was crazy hands and probably a 40" vertical....he's only 12. I want to get him on a workout routine and nutrition plan and bring him back to the US, rename him Hancock Shuttlesworth and get him signed in the NFL or NBA. He would def fit in my suitcase--I never have to work again (ladies--this means I will be loaded and able to supply you with caviar, diamond studded Fiji Water Bottles, and paintings for our house like that Monet water lillies and the Mona Lisa).
We went out last night to some sketchy bar that is frequented by Polaks and drank weak beer. We warmed up with some $9/ a handle Polish vodka which went down smooth and didn't quit. After that we hit this bar where beer was 90 cents and they were blaring 80s music I never heard before. Suddenly, this song came on. Think about the combination of cheap beer, polish vodka, and this song from Scarface. Needless to say, I was told I could be doing the shopping cart dance, which looks something like this. Anyway--shit is going down in krakow.
I've started rushing all these young, poor polish kids into aepi. They said they heard it was a sick frat. I asked if they liked Carnival or Anything But Clothes more, and they just high fived me. word.
lakers in 6, Magic in 7 --> lakers in 5....
peace out, keep checkin every two days for updates, pics comin soon....
B
Today was the second day of working with the kids. So far, shit has been very chill and interesting. As Splye noted, we are working outside of Krakow at this youth club for at risk chidrenz. As soon as you get a half mile outside of Krakow, the scenery completely changes. Krakow is essentially a medieval city with a bunch of old, pastel buildings that are bunched up on half asphalt half cobblestone streets. Yet as soon as you leave the city limits, low lying buildings and churches turn into rolling hills, marshes and open pasture. It's very green there, a lot like the American Northwest. There are a few houses here and there, but by and large it's just farmland.
The kids that we are working with are pretty fucking hilarious. Our job is essentially to show these kids what the rest of the world is like. Because they are generally poor, most of them will apparently never leave an area within five square miles of the place they were born. Definitely weird to think about when I just travelled like 7,000 miles--I'm a lucky SOB. None the less, the kids are high spirited. The philosophy of the youth center is to let them basically do whatever they want, as long as they're not blowing lines, beating their wives, drinking antifreeze, etc. It makes sense, these kids don't want to be regulated with an orderly schedule, it makes them feel like they're in school. Like SP said, they spend most of their time playing this weird online game called Tibia. The best way I can describe it is a mix of Zelda and Oregon Trail, vs other people. I tried to explain that the Tibia is a bone in your leg, but the kids just kept saying "ladybomb" or some shit back to me in Polish. None of them speak English, and the few that do can only say shit like, "I like a sport, you american, I am grandpa." So basically, I have a license to say whatever I want to them, because frankly, they cant understand me. Today, one of the bully kids pulled my chair out from under me when I sat down. I got punked, and since I'm ultra competitive and fairly childish, I told him that I could steal his lunch money and throw him down a well and he wouldn't be able to get me because I would simply go back to the US and they would not extradite me. He smiled and high fived me. USA 1, Gypsy Polak 0.
The kids are great though, they love us. We shoot the shit with them all day, barely understanding each other but we are def communicating in a weird way. We also play this crude form of Rugby, where MoneSplye basically runs down a field with a small football, tossing it back and forth while these little polaks try to tackle us. It's tight cuz they make me feel like Godzilla, reigning down a fiery terror of athletic dominance. I learned that the ball fake is strictly an American phenomenon--more on this later. Some of them are stupidly athletic--as SP said there's this one kid who we call Ocho Cinco who was crazy hands and probably a 40" vertical....he's only 12. I want to get him on a workout routine and nutrition plan and bring him back to the US, rename him Hancock Shuttlesworth and get him signed in the NFL or NBA. He would def fit in my suitcase--I never have to work again (ladies--this means I will be loaded and able to supply you with caviar, diamond studded Fiji Water Bottles, and paintings for our house like that Monet water lillies and the Mona Lisa).
We went out last night to some sketchy bar that is frequented by Polaks and drank weak beer. We warmed up with some $9/ a handle Polish vodka which went down smooth and didn't quit. After that we hit this bar where beer was 90 cents and they were blaring 80s music I never heard before. Suddenly, this song came on. Think about the combination of cheap beer, polish vodka, and this song from Scarface. Needless to say, I was told I could be doing the shopping cart dance, which looks something like this. Anyway--shit is going down in krakow.
I've started rushing all these young, poor polish kids into aepi. They said they heard it was a sick frat. I asked if they liked Carnival or Anything But Clothes more, and they just high fived me. word.
lakers in 6, Magic in 7 --> lakers in 5....
peace out, keep checkin every two days for updates, pics comin soon....
B
Whats ^ Dudes?
so our community service started the other day and it is a pretty hysterical situation. we basically just go to this after school club for gypsy children in the burbs of krakow, which are basically just glorious praires, and kick it with the kids and like try and speak to them in english. the kids are pretty funny and its a fun gig.
a typical conversation with a kid there goes:
-Spencer: what are you doing?
-Polish Child: da krak va mar tek sluch groo
-Spencer: huh?
-Polish Child: steeek var doop shlop vanmer
-Spencer: Oh! Sick!
there is a kid there damien, who we have deemed the leader of the children. we say this because he seems to be the best at the computer game they all play called Tibia. all they do is basically play that game. its truly bizarre. i guess its kinda like world of warcraft, only like 30 years behind in technological achievements. my favorite kid is Marchek or as ben and i call him "ocho-cinco". we call him this because he is very skilled at catching the football and for those of you who dont follow sports (girls and wiener ;) ocho cinco is chad johnson, a receiver on the cincinnatti bengals. i have considered taking ocho home with me and training him to be a stud athlete. we will see how realistic that is as time goes on. this one girl there loves us and she always does that like in-love-with-you sigh that reminds me that girl in billy madison who sends him the valentines day cards and waves at him with that cute hand-cupped wave. oddly enough, this girl looks exactly like that girl from that movie so ive made her start waving at me like that. shes 8 so thats cool too. haha, kidding, im not weird like that.
one of the most annoying things about krakow is that old gypsy women bother us when we are eating and bark at us in disgusting noises. being the sage traveler that he is, ben bought gypsy dust that he merely sprinkles on them when they are near so they cannot cast their diabolical spells on our perogis.
there are these two chicks that weve hung out with from this program we are on. one of them is from finland and the other is from latvia. we went out with them last night and they took us to "non-touristy" spots. what the fuck? we are tourists. so we left those places and went to this place called carpe diem while i awkwardly danced with them to "bille jean" and "hands up baby hands up". but they are all right besides the fact that they took me and ben to this lake after work today and basically made us tight rope around a 200 foot drop over a rocky death. luckily our nimbleness allowed us to prevail and survive another day in krakow.
thats it for now, im gonna give the comp to mones so he can spit some fire.
-S
a typical conversation with a kid there goes:
-Spencer: what are you doing?
-Polish Child: da krak va mar tek sluch groo
-Spencer: huh?
-Polish Child: steeek var doop shlop vanmer
-Spencer: Oh! Sick!
there is a kid there damien, who we have deemed the leader of the children. we say this because he seems to be the best at the computer game they all play called Tibia. all they do is basically play that game. its truly bizarre. i guess its kinda like world of warcraft, only like 30 years behind in technological achievements. my favorite kid is Marchek or as ben and i call him "ocho-cinco". we call him this because he is very skilled at catching the football and for those of you who dont follow sports (girls and wiener ;) ocho cinco is chad johnson, a receiver on the cincinnatti bengals. i have considered taking ocho home with me and training him to be a stud athlete. we will see how realistic that is as time goes on. this one girl there loves us and she always does that like in-love-with-you sigh that reminds me that girl in billy madison who sends him the valentines day cards and waves at him with that cute hand-cupped wave. oddly enough, this girl looks exactly like that girl from that movie so ive made her start waving at me like that. shes 8 so thats cool too. haha, kidding, im not weird like that.
one of the most annoying things about krakow is that old gypsy women bother us when we are eating and bark at us in disgusting noises. being the sage traveler that he is, ben bought gypsy dust that he merely sprinkles on them when they are near so they cannot cast their diabolical spells on our perogis.
there are these two chicks that weve hung out with from this program we are on. one of them is from finland and the other is from latvia. we went out with them last night and they took us to "non-touristy" spots. what the fuck? we are tourists. so we left those places and went to this place called carpe diem while i awkwardly danced with them to "bille jean" and "hands up baby hands up". but they are all right besides the fact that they took me and ben to this lake after work today and basically made us tight rope around a 200 foot drop over a rocky death. luckily our nimbleness allowed us to prevail and survive another day in krakow.
thats it for now, im gonna give the comp to mones so he can spit some fire.
-S
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Greetings from Poland!!!
when i was still in the best country in the world, i decided to get a massage at the airport. i felt pretty cool and the massage felt pretty good but this asian broad did something to my neck with her fingernails that no human could actually enjoy. i wanted to say something but i didnt because there was a hot girl sitting next to me getting a facial so i didnt want to seem like a pussy...but i was crying inside.
observations from the plane:
-the evil foreign male flight attendant yelled at me twice when i wudnt get a drink with my meals. i dont know why and i thought you had to be super friendly to be a flight attendant but this guy was just a jerk
-the devil wears prada is better with no sound (anne hathaway is a smokeshow...XTIAN barstoolsports.com wooo wooo)
-ambien changes lives
while sitting in the prague train station waiting for our train to krakow, i felt like i was in purgatory. it was a miserable place to say the least. we passed 5 hours of time watching small pickpocketers target people and go in for the kill. (jeff- i dont know how u spent a semester with those people in prague, granted i was only in the train station but the people there seemed miserable, i also dont know why im writing this because i know you are too lazy to read my blog, DICK). the train ride was miserable. i couldnt get comfortable and i couldnt fall asleep. i put my feet up on the seat and these butch haircutted lesbos yelled at me in some terrible sounding language. it sounded like they were witches casting a spell on me.
we went out when we got into krakow and had a very fun night. the first person i saw there looked exactly like kristen torrey and i thought it was gonna take more than crossing the atlantic ocean to escape her deadly wrath. we went to this tight bar that had a basement that was a dungeon. there were literally trap doors that sketchy polaks kept on disappearing into. oddly enough, people were grind-dancing to spanish techno and american hits such as "california dreamin" by the mammas and the papas.
today we went to the heart of krakow. it is actually a tight city. we went to this castle where there used to be a dragon that ate virgins. yes, it really seemed like people truthfully believe that fable and it weirds me out.
this other dude who is in this program with us is this kid sanjay from buffalo. hes the man and hes like the skipper and ben and i are gilligans. he knows his shit cause his girlfriend is from poland so he kinda leads the way....FOR NOW. hes teaching us polish sayings that are funnily enough the shit borat says. for example, yekshamesh-how are youu (i think) and jinkwiya (or however u spell it)- thank you. sanjay said polaks love when we speak their language but whenever i say anything in polish, the people look at me like im some kind of freak. they also dont say ur welcome back when i say thank you in polish, so fuck em, i aint conforming to their bullshit language.
well thats all for now, work starts tomorrow, hopefully some funny stuff will occur, hope everyone is dandy. mike/dan/pete/berger-drink an extra goombay smash for me in the bahamas.
yours truly,
spencer thomas blye
observations from the plane:
-the evil foreign male flight attendant yelled at me twice when i wudnt get a drink with my meals. i dont know why and i thought you had to be super friendly to be a flight attendant but this guy was just a jerk
-the devil wears prada is better with no sound (anne hathaway is a smokeshow...XTIAN barstoolsports.com wooo wooo)
-ambien changes lives
while sitting in the prague train station waiting for our train to krakow, i felt like i was in purgatory. it was a miserable place to say the least. we passed 5 hours of time watching small pickpocketers target people and go in for the kill. (jeff- i dont know how u spent a semester with those people in prague, granted i was only in the train station but the people there seemed miserable, i also dont know why im writing this because i know you are too lazy to read my blog, DICK). the train ride was miserable. i couldnt get comfortable and i couldnt fall asleep. i put my feet up on the seat and these butch haircutted lesbos yelled at me in some terrible sounding language. it sounded like they were witches casting a spell on me.
we went out when we got into krakow and had a very fun night. the first person i saw there looked exactly like kristen torrey and i thought it was gonna take more than crossing the atlantic ocean to escape her deadly wrath. we went to this tight bar that had a basement that was a dungeon. there were literally trap doors that sketchy polaks kept on disappearing into. oddly enough, people were grind-dancing to spanish techno and american hits such as "california dreamin" by the mammas and the papas.
today we went to the heart of krakow. it is actually a tight city. we went to this castle where there used to be a dragon that ate virgins. yes, it really seemed like people truthfully believe that fable and it weirds me out.
this other dude who is in this program with us is this kid sanjay from buffalo. hes the man and hes like the skipper and ben and i are gilligans. he knows his shit cause his girlfriend is from poland so he kinda leads the way....FOR NOW. hes teaching us polish sayings that are funnily enough the shit borat says. for example, yekshamesh-how are youu (i think) and jinkwiya (or however u spell it)- thank you. sanjay said polaks love when we speak their language but whenever i say anything in polish, the people look at me like im some kind of freak. they also dont say ur welcome back when i say thank you in polish, so fuck em, i aint conforming to their bullshit language.
well thats all for now, work starts tomorrow, hopefully some funny stuff will occur, hope everyone is dandy. mike/dan/pete/berger-drink an extra goombay smash for me in the bahamas.
yours truly,
spencer thomas blye
Day 2: Hysteria Sets In
Dear Internet,
Well, we safely made it to Krakow. After about fifteen hours of flying and seven hours of train travel, MoneSplye have settled in their hostel. The plane was chillin, I met this kid who went to ASU and we shot the shit for an hour or so before I fell asleep. He seemed generally uninterested in life and was spectacularly unfunny. Anyway, I landed in Prague and met Splye and we went to the train station without a hassle. The Prague train station defines miserable, to say the least. We had to spend four hours there, but it seemed like twenty. We spent most of the time sitting in this dilapidated park behind the train station next to a sleeping homeless dude and what I thought was a hooker. I'm not sure why I thought that, but I got that vibe that she was into getting paid for having sex. When we got on the train, we had our first cultural mishap! MoneSplye were lampcity in our cabin on our train, and Splye was reclined with his feet up. Suddenly, some little gremlin train conductor ran in the cabin and started yelling at Splye in czech. Obviously neither of us had any idea what the fuck she was talking about, until the woman in our cabin pointed at splye's reeboks and garbled the word, "feet." I guess you aren't supposed to put your feet on the opposite chair--but fuck that we is America, we get our double cheeseburgers for $1, we put our feet wherever we want. At this point MoneSplye decided that we loved America more than anywhere else because you can put your feet wherever you want, and gremlins don't exist because of the surplus water supply. So after 7 hours we got to Krakow--our hostel is Tiny House small, far from everything, but there's a liquor store adjacent. We're gonna try to get a new spot before we get sucked into the sinkhole that is probably going to force this building to crumble at any moment. We met our roommate, another kid who's doing the program with us, named Sanjay. We hit the bars with him and he was being the man. For some reason Splye thinks I'm gonna throw down with him at some point in Krakow, but I doubt it.
I've heard they love Americans here, but so far it seems the opposite. People look at us with a weird curiosity, and it kind of bugs me out. People also think they have the right to fuck with us, or so it seems. For instance, we don't speak Polish so we could barely order drinks last night, and at one bar we tried to get two beers. This bartender who looked like a coked out Chris Martin gave us two shots of beer, thinking he was hilarious. MoneSplye got pissed and tried to start a riot before Sanjay calmed us down. Somehow, in the confusion, Splye left the guy a big tip. We hit some spooky bars where they played a techno remix of Sinnerman by Nina Simone, which was tight. We walked around Krakow today, nothing that funny happened. Our program director told us about this dragon that used to live in Krakow, and she seemed thoroughly serious and truthful. I was skeptical. Also, we met this guy in our program who I believe is a pederast, but time will certainly tell.
We are probably going out tonight, but we are posted up so hard right now that it is hard to tell what's going to happen. I'm bout to pass Splye the mic, so listen up.
The Great Monesby
Well, we safely made it to Krakow. After about fifteen hours of flying and seven hours of train travel, MoneSplye have settled in their hostel. The plane was chillin, I met this kid who went to ASU and we shot the shit for an hour or so before I fell asleep. He seemed generally uninterested in life and was spectacularly unfunny. Anyway, I landed in Prague and met Splye and we went to the train station without a hassle. The Prague train station defines miserable, to say the least. We had to spend four hours there, but it seemed like twenty. We spent most of the time sitting in this dilapidated park behind the train station next to a sleeping homeless dude and what I thought was a hooker. I'm not sure why I thought that, but I got that vibe that she was into getting paid for having sex. When we got on the train, we had our first cultural mishap! MoneSplye were lampcity in our cabin on our train, and Splye was reclined with his feet up. Suddenly, some little gremlin train conductor ran in the cabin and started yelling at Splye in czech. Obviously neither of us had any idea what the fuck she was talking about, until the woman in our cabin pointed at splye's reeboks and garbled the word, "feet." I guess you aren't supposed to put your feet on the opposite chair--but fuck that we is America, we get our double cheeseburgers for $1, we put our feet wherever we want. At this point MoneSplye decided that we loved America more than anywhere else because you can put your feet wherever you want, and gremlins don't exist because of the surplus water supply. So after 7 hours we got to Krakow--our hostel is Tiny House small, far from everything, but there's a liquor store adjacent. We're gonna try to get a new spot before we get sucked into the sinkhole that is probably going to force this building to crumble at any moment. We met our roommate, another kid who's doing the program with us, named Sanjay. We hit the bars with him and he was being the man. For some reason Splye thinks I'm gonna throw down with him at some point in Krakow, but I doubt it.
I've heard they love Americans here, but so far it seems the opposite. People look at us with a weird curiosity, and it kind of bugs me out. People also think they have the right to fuck with us, or so it seems. For instance, we don't speak Polish so we could barely order drinks last night, and at one bar we tried to get two beers. This bartender who looked like a coked out Chris Martin gave us two shots of beer, thinking he was hilarious. MoneSplye got pissed and tried to start a riot before Sanjay calmed us down. Somehow, in the confusion, Splye left the guy a big tip. We hit some spooky bars where they played a techno remix of Sinnerman by Nina Simone, which was tight. We walked around Krakow today, nothing that funny happened. Our program director told us about this dragon that used to live in Krakow, and she seemed thoroughly serious and truthful. I was skeptical. Also, we met this guy in our program who I believe is a pederast, but time will certainly tell.
We are probably going out tonight, but we are posted up so hard right now that it is hard to tell what's going to happen. I'm bout to pass Splye the mic, so listen up.
The Great Monesby
Thursday, May 21, 2009
the night-before jitters
friends & foes alike,
id like to welcome you all to the infamous monesplye blog summer 2009. this is a very new experience for me. one, i have never been to europe and two, i have never blogged. i feel really trendy. kinda like brandon cohen trying to push his new screenplay at endeavor agency in LA.
i am not gonna lie, i am a little nervous for this eurotrip. as ben said so eloquently in his post, he has not had many interactions with the poles. my only experience with polaks is vince vaughn's character in the highly successful romantic comedy, the break-up. for some reason, i keep on thinking everyone in europe is going to have a dirty beard, smell bad and will yell at me in tongues i cannot understand. i hope that is not the case, but you win some and you lose some.
i really hope i can find myself over there. like what my purpose is in life. NOT. i love america. as some of you know, my favorite athletes are the american homegrown studs (i.e david wright). but i am def excited to see the different cultures and help these young naive polish kids learn about our western ways. hopefully i will be able to control my laughter when they ask ridiculous questions is stupid broken english.
well that is all from america, my next post will be made across the pond!!! i hope all of your summers are joyous and plentiful of happy times. if you are bored at work or just really miss the cooky antics of me and mones, check out our blog. hopefully it will bring a little joy to all of your days. take care.
-splye and demand
The Introduction
Yo Internet, what up?
Whether you are reading this blog because you are bored at work/summer internship, because you're tired of espn/tmz/stumble/random youtube videos, or because you just plain care about MoneSplye, welcome!
A wise friend once told me that it is tough to keep an interesting travel blog. Basically, it is pretty unpopular to write something like, "today I went to this museum, then we ate at this cafe, then we missed this bus, etc." So, with that being said, I'm going to try to keep the posts fresh and full of funny stories.
For those of you who don't know, Splye and I are traveling in Europe over the next month. We will be spending the majority of our time in Krakow, Poland doing community service with a group called the AlfKlub. Around June 15, we're meeting up with All American Tom in Florence; then moving as a tripod to Switzerland, Germany and the Czech Republic. I've never travelled unsupervised in Europe, and I'm pumped to say the least. At the same time, I'm pretty unsure of what to expect. My only interaction with Poland has been The Wire Season 2 and a principal's office trip in fourth grade when I got in a heated argument with a Polish exchange student. At the AlfKlub we are going to be working with kids who are 7-17, teaching them conversational English and basically westernizing them. We're going on field trips with them and going to their homes and such. I think that a lot of funny shit is going to happen at work -- I can't really imagine how some of these young kids view America.
A few things that I've been thinking about leading up to the trip: what's the food like? Do they like Americans? Will I stop coughing after the trip? Am I going to be able to watch the rest of the NBA Playoffs? Was pole dancing invented in Poland? Am I in a highly stylized version of the Truman Show? I'll try to answer these questions throughout the blog...
I know the last question is pretty irrelevant, but it's certainly possible. I'll keep this post relatively short, nothing funny has happened yet. We leave tomorrow morning. I'm pretty much packed; I still gotta put some shit on my iPod but it ain't no thang.
As a semiprofessional hater, I know that there are going to be plenty of haters out there. Especially people who have already been abroad -- I'm sure you're going to say, "pshh, why do I need to read this? I've already been abroad, I've been to all the places he's talking about. MoneSplye is a stupid idiot anyway, I hate them for no reason!" To you, fellow haters, I would like to quote the great Mike Tyson and extend to you the following: just turn off the station.
See you mothafuckas in Europe...
-Ben
Whether you are reading this blog because you are bored at work/summer internship, because you're tired of espn/tmz/stumble/random youtube videos, or because you just plain care about MoneSplye, welcome!
A wise friend once told me that it is tough to keep an interesting travel blog. Basically, it is pretty unpopular to write something like, "today I went to this museum, then we ate at this cafe, then we missed this bus, etc." So, with that being said, I'm going to try to keep the posts fresh and full of funny stories.
For those of you who don't know, Splye and I are traveling in Europe over the next month. We will be spending the majority of our time in Krakow, Poland doing community service with a group called the AlfKlub. Around June 15, we're meeting up with All American Tom in Florence; then moving as a tripod to Switzerland, Germany and the Czech Republic. I've never travelled unsupervised in Europe, and I'm pumped to say the least. At the same time, I'm pretty unsure of what to expect. My only interaction with Poland has been The Wire Season 2 and a principal's office trip in fourth grade when I got in a heated argument with a Polish exchange student. At the AlfKlub we are going to be working with kids who are 7-17, teaching them conversational English and basically westernizing them. We're going on field trips with them and going to their homes and such. I think that a lot of funny shit is going to happen at work -- I can't really imagine how some of these young kids view America.
A few things that I've been thinking about leading up to the trip: what's the food like? Do they like Americans? Will I stop coughing after the trip? Am I going to be able to watch the rest of the NBA Playoffs? Was pole dancing invented in Poland? Am I in a highly stylized version of the Truman Show? I'll try to answer these questions throughout the blog...
I know the last question is pretty irrelevant, but it's certainly possible. I'll keep this post relatively short, nothing funny has happened yet. We leave tomorrow morning. I'm pretty much packed; I still gotta put some shit on my iPod but it ain't no thang.
As a semiprofessional hater, I know that there are going to be plenty of haters out there. Especially people who have already been abroad -- I'm sure you're going to say, "pshh, why do I need to read this? I've already been abroad, I've been to all the places he's talking about. MoneSplye is a stupid idiot anyway, I hate them for no reason!" To you, fellow haters, I would like to quote the great Mike Tyson and extend to you the following: just turn off the station.
See you mothafuckas in Europe...
-Ben
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